#i kept hating myself for being paranoid for ONE YEAR STRAIGHT | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

theundeadgospel · 4 months ago

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good morning session was. well. I cried four times off mic so LMAOOO

• We reached our 50th session ✨

• Vashka (Homebrew vampiric war commander) is confirmed to be the actual BBEG. Also confirmed to be Kassandra’s fucking daughter. WHICH I THEORIZED SESSIONS AGO SO GOD DAMMIT HGHFHDGDGCVCV SHE REFUSES TO HURT HER OWN DAUGHTER AND HER DAUGHTER IS MINDSET ON MURDERING HER TOO

• Our Homebrew is also heavily based off of Castlevania. So, Vash wants a world where humanity is primarily used for livestock, overran by a vampiric utopia. Kass disagrees and thinks it’s just pointless and will lead to cannibalism eventually. And she’s very tired of fighting now as a former war monger. So because her own mother is standing in her way, Vash is trying to murder her. Vash is CRYPTICALLY powerful as a psychic user as well — she’s already murdered one of our NPCs we tried to keep alive, set invisible undead assassins after our party, actively targeting our party and Kass, sent giant undead ogres to tear apart Hallowbrook, and last session found Kass just to have her platoon shoot six fucking fireballs in her direction.

• Kass seems to want redemption because of how tired she is of being perceived as a monster. She does feel regret for accidentally killing the men in the mock war games and expressed guilt over murdering Aphrodite as well. But, due to the fact everyone and her people kept calling her a monster over the years, she eventually ingrained that name into her skin and continuously refers to herself as ‘just a monster’ . She refuses to see herself as anything else at this point and literally wants to die because she’s set to be executed, her own daughter wants her dead due to opposing views, and she basically has no one in her life she can go to. Her temper is insane and extremely lethal. Because of her past crimes (still did many fucked up things as Strahd in the past) , she failed as her people’s baroness and folks no longer respect her — and you know, the court murdering her wife which was her only grounding pillar, so she essentially just walks around like a living zombie - ball of bitter hatred now. Masked by extensive suffering from guilt and heartache.

• The Innkeeper (Homebrew domain lord of Hallowbrook) was someone who formerly served under Kass and was forced to kill innocents who opposed Kass’ rule back in the day. The blood on his hands was always due to her. However, he was also the only one who witnessed her go from demented war lord to god I hate living like this what have I done to myself and has lingering faith in her — much to his own knights’ disapproval. Almost the entirety of Hallowbrook wants her dead. Because she’s a dangerous vampire and they hate the undead for the most part, seeing them as nothing but greedy creatures of slaughter. Because of her accidental murders in the war games, she’s set to be executed — but you know, this is Strahd. As long as you don’t decimate her coffin, she comes back. She knows she’ll come back. Our party is unaware of this, so some people are freaking the fuck out LMAO

• Morian caught on however. He was the only one present when talking to Kass with the Innkeeper at this abandoned building, stalling time by asking her questions about why she’s like this and such knowing Beth and Elias were well on their way to stop the execution. He realized first oh fuck wait the Innkeeper can execute her as by law but there’s nowhere that says we can’t RESURRECT her after. Beth, because she’s a paranoid fuck and hasn’t been thinking straight nor even had a rest for several sessions, ain’t thinking strategically. All she heard was ‘I’m with my executioner’ and the bitch was OFF like the wind to save her stupid lesbian not girlfriend yet HFHDHCBBB

• WELL. ALL WAS WELL UNTIL VASHKA PINPOINTED THE DAMN LOCATION FIRST. Cue her ordering her men to open fire on Kass as a grand entrance right as Kass was about to agreed with Morian to accept the path of redemption — to which Kass literally shoved him out of the way and took half damage. Fucking. 80 points of fire damage that would’ve CHARRED Morian to death, saving his life. She’s BURNT.

• Session ends there, but we all strategize oog ✨ it’ll take one round for Elias and Beth to get there. Morian HAS to survive the first round. He’s p low health as is and is currently body shielding Kass who’s also p down in health now tbh — but we do have the Innkeeper who is also level 20 and an oathbreaker so I’m not too concerned. Beth however, LMAO, she’s at 24 health. She is FULLY ready to die for Kass’ protection and most likely will next session — I’m almost planning on it just to prove she’s a true knight wanting to die in battle protecting her loved one and family, she’s DEAD ass about laying her life down for Kass, and Myrkul is her god damn patron so you know he’s going to go dude. leave my realm, you got work to do. BFGGDHCVV It’s VERY difficult to keep the vampires down in this campaign — even Aphrodite got sent back by her demon father. They’re all well aware they’ll come back. We’re hellbent on staying alive with purpose. Additionally, Beth has been wanting to speak directly to Myrkul again in soul for a while and ask for a weapon upgrade so LMAO

• The plan is to wait for Beth to arrive so she can use her strength to haul Morian and Kass out of the way (Morian is too weak to carry her, who’s in full knight armor herself), then body shield both of them herself. Most of everyone’s healing spells don’t work on undead. Beth has one set of lay on hands for 15 points — and she will be using it all on Kass instead of herself before going into a heavy rage to soak up as many hits as possible and attack anyone nearby before dropping. She’s had a ring of death warding on her since early sessions and will be giving to Kass too — discreetly. Like. Bitch is full on planning to talk to her mid battle, get her to say she’ll let us redeem her, then kiss her while sliding on the ring as she’s taken back by the action. That way, if someone DOES do a major hit on her, the death ward will activate and spare her enough time to flee. ✨

• not my DM going lol why do you think Kass has such strikingly similar struggles to Beth? 💀

thanks you’re just spurring on my delulu fantasy of them healing and getting together jade HFHDHDGFGB that just confirms Kass IS Beth’s NPC I’m hollering

#🦇 𝐅𝐑𝐄𝐄 𝐅𝐑𝐎𝐌 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐅𝐎𝐆. 🦇#curse of strahd #kass’ dialogue always has me balling because she’s just like beth and I love her so much it hurts

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ariesvenusxx · 1 year ago

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On Motherhood and Loneliness

I feel empty and mostly lonely. Motherhood is supposed to give me purpose, but it feels like I am either stuck or entering an unfamiliar place, only met with similar faces right after bearing a child.

Building a family should have made me hopeful and full of joy. I was excited to rebuild my life and to look forward to what's in store for me. But why does it feel like I am being punished for existing and for having the things I have now? It is hard to exist in a world where you are not really welcomed. People are just, by default, cruel to mothers. I cannot fathom how mothers power on through life being constantly berated for their bodies and choices. I feel like I cannot win this motherhood war--a war that I didn't even wish to fight--yet here I am.

I despise the fact that everything is predictable but me. My postpartum hormones are raging; even I had to tread carefully; even I had to protect myself from me. I envy my partner for the respect he got since he became a father. It was as if he was pedestalled just by staying with me--us. I thought to myself "life would be so much better if I had the respect and recognition by just existing and doing the bare minimum." Don't get me wrong, he is a good partner to me and a good father to my daughter, but I wish I didn't have to exert twice the effort to please myself and the people around me. I hate the fact that I have been so dependent on him; I feel like a broken limb that he can take out any time he wants without being reprimanded.

I feel as if I'm melting away, becoming this monstrous, crazy, paranoid woman that I never thought I'd be. I hate that I require so much attention and compassion from the world as if it owes me anything. I hate that I feel things more deeply now and knowing very well that some battles are best well kept; fought violently, but silently.

Ever since the baby, I feel like an afterthought. It feels as if I exist only for my family, and if I don't please them enough, they would get rid of me.

I hate talking about my feelings only for it to be invalidated with positivity, or worse, straight out negation. People say I shouldn't feel this way, but I feel this way, and all of them, even I, can't do anything about it.

I am left mostly to my thoughts as I have a lot of time swinging from neurosis to liberosis. I'm surprised by the ability of others to not think, listen, and entertain other people. On worse days, I envy the selfishness.

It's as if I cannot celebrate my wins, because in the eyes of many, it is not winning at all. There is always something to be said about mothers. People talk, and usually they talk about how unpretty and rash you are as a mother despite the expectations of keeping your body, mind, career, and family together.

There are days that I feel hopelessly defeated by it all, swamped up by hate towards the society, like a teenager dreading their room. There are days when I fantasize about the opportunities I once had, or could have, had I not been a mother in this kind of world where mothers can't win.

I feel incapable and inadequate, yet very needed all the time. No amount of love I can receive can erase the fact that I lost myself, the self that I had built over the years, just gone in the process of becoming a mother. It wasn't just the personal and financial freedom that I had to sacrifice; I had to sacrifice what's left of my sanity.

I am tired being defined by my emotions, body, and pain. How can such society ask so much of mothers while, at the same time, pinning them down? I feel sad for the silent mothers for I know that there is no getting used to disrespect. I feel bad for the loud and proud ones for they have to carry the weight of judgments for the mothers who are reluctant to be seen because they don't want to be condemned.

And if you're still reading, and if you're wise, you must know that I do not regret being a mother. What I do not want is being a mother in this kind of society run by a system that is rigged.

#text #musings #motherhood #parenthood #mothers

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darkmulti · 3 years ago

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(Yandere and non con warning)

Def not the only one who wants a 18th century h.c of possessive and controlling, husband!Jungkook x forced wife!reader. Jungkook gets jealous after witnessing another man asking you out and when you come back home at night, he breeds you. Please make it rough and non con. Thank you❤️‍🔥

-> you’re definitely not the only one. I can assure you that I’ve thought about this too many times😫

⚠️: NON CON, YANDERE!JUNGKOOK, Squirting/piss play, Physically, mental and emotional abuse, spit play,

-> sorry for any mistakes

Your parents owned a local bakery store

All the recipes were from your late grandmother

You spent almost all of your time there because you were in charge of everything

The store was under your parents’ name but you were the one running it

Sometimes, you even slept there because it’d be too late to walk home

Your dedication to the bakery made it successful

Although, you were the one doing all the work, you parents took all the credit and money

They weren’t paying you because you’re their child

They don’t need to pay you

“It’s a women’s place.” Your father said

You wanted to go back to school however, your parents laughed in your face

“School aren’t for girls, Y/N. Learn how to cook and clean. That’s all you need to know. Let the men handle everything else.”

You were tired of fighting with them and eventually stopped because they threatened to set you up in an arrange marriage

Now, it was just you and the bakery

You had many loyal customers and recently, one has been coming everyday, at the same time

He’d always buy a loaf of banana bread and if he was in a good mood, a blueberry muffin as well

Then, he’d sit in the corner table and eat two - three slices before getting up and leaving

He’d always leave a tip behind and you always kept it for yourself

One day, he didn’t come and you were surprised

For a year straight, he came and bought the same two things

Now, he hasn’t visited in 4 days

Tonight, you came back home for the first time in a while

Your parents had visited the bakery to collect “their” earnings and told you that you have to go somewhere with them that evening

After closing up and cleaning up, you went home and got ready

Your parents were taking you out for dinner as a treat for all your hard work

You were really excited because they were finally acknowledging your hard work

Once you arrived at the restaurant, your parents lead you to a table that already had three people seated

You immediately recognize one of them

It’s that guy who buys your banana loaf!

You sat in front of him while your parents greeted the two other strangers

“Oh, so this is your daughter? She’s gorgeous! Come here and give me a hug.”

You awkwardly chuckled and got up to hug the middle aged women

“Oh! Where are my manners? My name is Jeon F/N, this is my husband, Jeon F/N and this is our son, Jeon Jungkook. We’re your soon to be in laws!”

You heart dropped to the floor

“I-in laws?” You asked, confused

“Yeah, honey. Is this your first time hearing about this? We’ve been talking to your parents for a while now.”

You snapped your head towards you parents and they looked emotionless

“No, no they didn’t tell me anything.”

Dinner with them was hell

Your parents were talking about your wedding arrangements right in front of you

You didn’t know what to do

You wanted to rebel but then your parents would disown you

Just like that, you’d be homeless with little money to survive

In the end, you’d be paying the heavy price

You looked at Jungkook who was staring at you the whole time

You wondered if he knew about this

Maybe, that’s why he came to the bakery everyday

“Did you know anything about this?” You said loud enough for him to hear

“I did.”

“For how long?”

“Since last year.”

You eyes widen, in shock

You were right!

“Why didn’t you stop it?”

“Why would I stop it when I’m the one who wants it?”

You scrunch your eyebrows, in confusion

“What’re you talking about?”

“Since the first day I met you, I wanted to marry you. I told my parents and now, we’re getting married.”

Now, you were mad

You got up and stormed off, catching everyone’s attention

You walked to the bakery and locked yourself in

Here, you thought your parents were acknowledging you for first time, when they were actually setting you up for a marriage so they don’t have to take care of you

You cried yourself to sleep that night

The next couple of weeks, the bakery was closed due to your wedding

The wedding was spectacular

You would’ve love it if you weren’t being forced into a marriage

After the wedding, Jungkook took your precious virginity

He made sure to pleasure you until you passed out

He was so in love with you

Now, he was finally able to show you how much he loved you

And mark you as his

The next couple of months, he was attached to you

He took over his family’s business and you took over your family’s business

He’d visit you every day at work to check if you’re with another man

He was so paranoid about it, sometimes he’d come by 3 or 4 times to make sure you were not cheating

You thought he missed you and that’s why he kept stopping by (which is half true) however, you had no idea that he was possessive and controlling

You had to learn the hard way

Sometimes, you wouldn’t leave work until midnight

You had so much things to do like preparing for the next day, making a to-do list, making a grocery lists, and cleaning every area of the shop

It’s time consuming, so obviously you finish up pretty late

Jungkook absolutely hates that

Although you stay late in the shop once in a while, he can’t stand it

He wants you to be in his arms every night

Jungkook gets angry when you’re not

This was your fourth time staying out late in the shop and he’s had enough

He couldn’t help but feel paranoid about what you were actually doing in the shop

What if you lied and went on a date with another man?

What if you were running away from him?

Or even worse, what if you were having sex with another guy?

He raced to the bakery and banged on the door, which scared you

You saw that it was him and let him in

“W-what’s wrong?! You scared me!”

“Grab your stuff, we’re going home.”

“But I’m not done yet! I only have a couple more things to do and then I’ll come home. I told you already-”

“I don’t think you fucking heard me!” He yelled and grabbed your hair

“Grab your shit, we are leaving right now.”

He pushed you towards the counter and crossed his arms

You let your breath out in shock but scurry to get your stuff

You’ve never seen him like this and it terrified you

“I have my stuff.”

“Good, let’s go.”

He helped you lock the door and wrapped his arm around your waist

The walk home was silent

You were scared shitless

All you wanted to do was run back into your parents’ house

But he didn’t let you move an inch away from him

Once you got home, he started pushing you around and arguing some more

“Jungkook, I told you this afternoon when you came to visit! I said I have to stay late so I don’t have to stress myself out in the morning!”

“Don’t fucking lie to me! Who were you fucking seeing?!” He screamed, frightening you more

“No one! I swear, no one!” You whimpered

He corned you into your shared room and locked the door

“Jungkook, I swear! Nothing happened!”

He didn’t believe a single word coming out of your mouth

It was like you were talking to a wall

He pushed you onto the bed and stripped you naked

Jungkook pushed two fingers into your cunt and pretended to scoop out cum

“If nothing happened, why is your cunt full of cum?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about! I didn’t have sex with anyone!”

You weren’t very educated about sex, so Jungkook had an advantage

You began apologizing even though you didn’t have sex with anyone

You just wanted peace between you two

“I’m sorry! I didn’t cheat or anything, but I’m sorry if it hurt you! I really am!”

Jungkook slapped you and spat on your face

“Dirty slut. Telling me that you’re not cheating but still apologizing.”

“No! Please, I didn’t do anything!”

Jungkook pulled his cock out and shoved it in without warning

You were still new to sex so when he didn’t let you adjust, you automatically started screaming and crying

“Please, slower!” You cried, holding onto his biceps as he went faster and deeper

“Stop! Please!”

Jungkook loved the sound of his balls clapping against your ass

It honestly made him harder

All night, he was on top, fucking you hard

Your legs were spread apart, tears in your eyes and sweat dripping down your forehead

You looked like a hot mess

And he loved every second of it

“Mmh- Jungkook!”

You squirted around him and had a trembling orgasm

You couldn’t stop releasing your liquids on him and he couldn’t stop pounding you

The bed sheet was soaked by the end of it

He pushed his cock deep inside and came

After Jungkook fell asleep, you cried for while

How were you supposed to tolerate him for the rest of your life?

The next morning

You woke up in severe pain

You lower region was begging for some pain relief

But there was nothing you could do about it

Jungkook was still sleeping next to you

You decided to leave before he wakes up

After getting ready by leaning on everything, you slowly walked to town

When you arrived at the bakery, you saw a big “for sale” sign

You panicked and went inside the store, only to be greeted by your parents

“Mother, father! Why is there a “for sale” sign on the bakery?”

You parents looked at each other in disappointment

“You see, we have to explain the obvious to your daughter. Be grateful that someone willingly married your idiot daughter.” Your father said before walking out

His words did hurt but you cared about the bakery more than your father

“Why’re you selling it, mother? Can you not afford it anymore? Why-”

“Shut up, Y/N! You’re married now, you have wifely duties. You don’t have time for this bakery so the best option is to sell it.”

Your world fell apart right before your eyes

“But mother-”

“Save it. You already made your father upset. I’m warning you now, you don’t want to get on my bad side.”

You cried the whole morning

After you opened the bakery, lots of people gathered in line

All breads, cakes and muffins were going on sale

After you served the people in line, you went up to the tables and took their order

After you served them, a regular customer who was sitting alone gestured you to come over

You went over to the man and asked him if he needed anything

He told you to take a seat and accompany him

Since the crowd died down, you sat down in front of him

“You look a bit stressed and sad. What’s on your mind?”

You were touched by his words

Finally, someone cared about you

You told him you were upset about the bakery closing

He understood and even offered money to help you keep it open

You were flattered but didn’t accept the money

“Money’s not a problem, my parents just don’t want to keep this shop open.”

You talked with this guy for a couple of hours

Although this was your first time talking to him, you talked to him like he was your best friend

When closing time came around, he got up and asked you out on a date

You didn’t know what to do

You were married but you really liked this guy

You were considering saying yes when someone pulled his shoulder back and punched him across the face

“Jungkook! What the hell is wrong with you?!”

“You think I didn’t see that?! I saw it all. I saw you flirting with my wife for three hours straight and then asking her out on a date!”

Jungkook beat the crap out of the guy and pushed him outside

He then came back in the store, looking at you with devil eyes

“Yesterday’s punishment clearly wasn’t enough.”

The entire way home, he was yelling at you, slapping you, spitting on you, pulling your hair, pushing you to the ground and choking you

You were crying the whole time, apologizing over and over

When you arrived home, he seriously had no mercy on you

No foreplay, no lube, no adjusting

Just a raw, thick cock being forced into you

You were begging him to let you go but tonight, nothing was going to stop him

He was moving his hips insanely fast, not giving you enough time to breathe

You were choking on your own sobs

“Jungkook, please no! I’m sorry!”

“Why did you hesitate to deny his offer? You are a married fucking women!” With each word a hard thrust followed, knocking all the air out of you

“Answer me! Is he better than me? Does he take care of you? Does he provide money for you? TELL ME!” He was yelling so loudly, it was making you cry harder

“N-no, he doesn’t. He was just the first person to care about me.” You whispered the last sentence but, Jungkook was able to make it out

“Are you saying that I don’t care about you?”

He got more aggressive and fastened his pace

“Tell me, Y/N! Do you think that I don’t care about you?!”

You couldn’t answer him because you couldn’t catch your breath

He was going too fast and you were crying so hard, you couldn’t breathe

Jungkook noticed how much you were struggling and added onto your struggle by holding your neck down

“Apologize, right now Jeon Y/N!”

You softly apologize but it wasn’t good enough for him

He lifted your legs a little, giving him better access and fucked you till you squirted

This time you sobbed your apology and begged for forgiveness

“I’m so sorry, Jungkook! It’ll never— ah! It’ll never happen again! I’m so sorry! Please for- forgive me for my dumb m-mistake. Please! I’m begging you.” You held onto the bed sheet, praying he would stop

He huskily growled and pushed his cock in deep

“For the next 9 months you’ll be swelling with my baby. Now, everyone can back off.”

He shot his hot cum right into you, filling you up to the rim

Sorry for any mistakes. It’s 3:41am 😄

#jungkook smut #jeon jungkook smut #bts smut #non con #bts yandere #yandere bts #yandere jungkook

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bnhasimpgirltm · 4 years ago

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Why Is It That You Only Ever Hurt Me? (Part 2)

Parings: Bakugo x Reader (Past), Yo Shindo x Reader (Present)

Warnings: none

Type: Oneshot

Genre: angst? (this hurt my heart to write)

A/N: I had to use Yo Shindo for this because Bakugo DESPISES this guy. It might have been a bit much to do the entire song, but I didn’t want to remove anything because I really like how well this songs fits. I just didn’t write this very well, and it feels a little repetitive, but I think that’s what adds to it. Let me know what you think, and as always, Enjoy!

Song: “Heavy”- Linkin Park ft. Kiiara (2017)

note: the last lyric line “If I just let go I’ll be set free” was added by me so I could tie the story together nicely. It isn’t actually sung at the end in the song. I cried while writing this oh crap.

Read Part 1 HERE

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I don't like my mind right now

Ever since you broke up with him, Bakugo had been miserable. He couldn’t think, he couldn’t function. The only thing he could do was train. He had lost you and he couldn’t get you back.

Stacking up problems that are so unnecessary

He still loved you, and you didn’t love him back anymore. One sided love creates all sorts of problems. So many problems piled up.

Wish that I could slow things down

He wishes that he could take back what he said. He wishes that he didn’t speak so impulsively, that he slowed down and though about his words before they left his mouth. But he couldn’t turn back the clock, so the only thing he could do was let go.

I wanna let go but there's comfort in the panic

He wanted to let you go, but he couldn’t. He wanted to hold onto you for as long as possible, and every waking moment that he wasn’t training, Bakugo as looking through your social media.

And I drive myself crazy

You had removed all of the pictures of the two of you together after the break up. He missed seeing his tag on your photos. He missed being able to retrace your entire relationship just from your social media page. He missed you.

Thinking everything's about me

Bakugo still had all of the pictures with you on his pages. He knew that if he archived them it meant that you were really gone forever. He didn’t want to think that it was all over, even if deep down he knew the truth. He wanted to hold onto these last threads of your broken relationship. Bakugo knew he had to let go, so he tapped on one of his posts with you in it.

Yeah, I drive myself crazy

He knew you were gone, but he couldn’t do it. Bakugo couldn’t wipe you from his life, so he exited Instagram and opened messages. His finger hovered over your name. He wanted to text you and tell you how much he missed you, how much he loves you.

'Cause I can't escape the gravity

He couldnt escape you. Everywhere he went he saw you. Even if you weren’t really there, to him, every place you went together had a small piece of you.

I'm holding on

When he saw you for real the first time after the breakup, he thought it was his imagination running wild again. That was until you looked at him. Imaginary you never did that. Bakugo knew that it was really you. He thought that you had finally given up running from him, and that maybe he could move on because you had too.

Why is everything so heavy?

But he couldn’t, because when he saw you, his heart ached so much that it felt like it was physically hurting. It felt like a weight heavier than anything he had ever lifted was placed on his back. He knew that he couldn’t let go. He couldn’t set himself free just yet.

Holding on

He couldn’t let you go. It had been months since the breakup, and he still couldn’t let you go. He still held onto the hope that you still loved him as much as he still loved you.

So much more than I can carry

He wanted to go and apologize to you, to take the weight off of his back, to end it for real. To tell you that he was sorry for everything, and that he wouldn’t bother you anymore.

I keep dragging around what's bringing me down

But he couldn’t. Bakugo couldn’t bring himself to go and talk to you. Not after everything he did. So he let the weight sit on his back.

If I just let go, I'd be set free

Everytime he saw you, he considered finishing it for real, to tell you that he was sorry and move on. He could be set free from his guilt.

Holding on

But he didn’t want to. He was going crazy, trying to keep this nonexistent relationship alive, but Bakugo didn’t care that he was being insane. He just needed something to care about, because the only thing that he truly cared about was gone. So if the only thing Bakugo cared about was this pretend relationship he still had going with you, so be it.

Why is everything so heavy?

When you saw Bakugo, you felt your heart fall. He still made you feel this way, even after all this time. Even after you told yourself that you had moved on.

You say that I'm paranoid

Everywhere you went, you saw him. His blonde hair poking up between the people in the crowds. His black tanktop passing by on the trains. Every time you saw him somewhere, you felt haunted by a ghost. A ghost from your past that you couldn’t let go.

But I'm pretty sure the world is out to get me

You hated that you couldn’t face him. You were too scared of what he would say to you. You were too scared that he would say that he had moved on.

It's not like I make the choice

But you were more scared of what you would say to him. Because if he moved on, then that meant that you would have to move on.

To let my mind stay so fucking messy

So you pushed your emotions back like you always did and continued to live your life with thoughts of Bakugo constantly ravaging your mind.

I know I'm not the center of the universe

You didn’t mean anything to him, he made that clear, but he was the center of your universe. He was your everything.

But you keep spinning 'round me just the same

You knew he didn’t love you, but deep down, you still loved him. You knew it would take a long time to move on, so you started dating again. Hoping you could move on and find someone else to love. And you did, you found someone else.

I know I'm not the center of the universe

Bakugo knew that he didn’t mean anything to you, you made that clear by avoiding him for months.

But you keep spinning 'round me just the same

Bakugo knew you didn’t love him, but he still loved you. So he kept himself away from the dating scene.

I'm holding on

Bakugo told himself multiple times that he wasn’t dating because he ddin’t have time, but in reality, he still held onto the hope that you would want him back.

Why is everything so heavy?

Until he saw that Ketsubutsu guy, Yo Shindo, walk into the common room. He wondered what that idiot was doing at UA, until he saw you smile and walk towards him. Then it clicked.

Holding on

Shindo grabbed you in a hug, and threw a dirty look over your shoulder straight at Bakugo. The worst part was that you jumped into his arms willingly.

So much more than I can carry

He wanted to say that he was okay with it. He wanted to just roll his eyes and walk away.

I keep dragging around what's bringing me down

But he couldn’t lie to himself, he was jealous. Not just jealous, Bakugo was enraged that you were hanging out with that Shindo guy. He was enraged that he had been replaced.

If I just let go, I'd be set free

So instead of going back to his dorm, he followed you and Shindo.

Holding on

Bakugo watched as Shindo did everything he didn’t. Shindo held your hand and talked with you. He kissed your cheek and laughed when you said something funny. He bought you lunch and gave you a flower.

Why is everything so heavy? I know I'm not the center of the universe

He saw the way you looked at Shindo. Like he was the center of your universe.

But you keep spinning 'round me just the same

It was the way you used to look at Bakugo.

I know I'm not the center of the universe

He watched as Shindo looked at you the same way. The way Bakugo looked at you. The way Bakugo still looked at you.

But you keep spinning 'round me just the same

He knew that he wasn’t the center of your universe anymore, but for some reason, he still couldn’t let go, no matter how much he tried.

And I drive myself crazy

He hated himself so much for losing the best thing that ever happened to him. He hated himself for screwing up everything good in his life.

Thinking everything's about me

He hated that he couldn’t get over himself just to keep you with him. He hated that the weight of your breakup was still tied to his back and that it wasn’t getting any lighter after seeing that you had moved on.

Holding on

Years passed, and Bakugo never got into another relationship.

Why is everything so heavy?

He was still dragging around the weight on his back. It never got lighter. Not when he immersed himself in his hero work, or when he saw you and Shindo on the news together as the hero couple that everyone loved.

Holding on

Bakugo felt like he was being crushed, but he continued on with his life. Until one day, he got a letter in the mail. “You are invited to the wedding of Yo Shindo and (y/n) (l/n).” It was at this moment that the weight became too heavy. It crushed him, and Bakugo Katsuki, the pro hero Ground Zero who feared nothing, broke down into sobs.

So much more than I can carry

His entire world shattered that day. It should have been his name with yours on that invite. It should have been him who you were marrying. Bakugo was so overcome with sadness that he did the only thing that he could when he was sad. He masked it as anger. Why the hell would you invite him to your wedding? Was this some sort of joke?

I keep dragging around what's bringing me down

Bakugo was angry, but he still loved you even after all this time, so he went to your wedding, and he watched as you walked down the aisle to marry a man that wasn’t him.

If I just let go, I'd be set free

He watched as you and Shindo looked into each others eyes with so much love that he regretted his decion to attend the wedding. Bakugo regretted not tearing the invite in half and shoving it into the recycle bin.

Holding on

He listened as you recited your vows and said “I do”. He listened as he heard the priest say “Any objections?”, and Bakugo wanted to stand up and proclaim his love for you. He wanted to stand up and tell you that you belonged with him. To take you back and love you just as much as you loved him back at UA.

Why is everything so heavy?

But the he remembered what you said to him all those years ago. He remembered: “Were you always this selfish?”, and Bakugo made his decision. For once in his life, it wasn’t selfish. He owed it to you. Maybe the selfish part of him wanted you to be with him, but the part of him that still loved you and wanted the best for you was telling him to let you be happy, so he stayed silent.

Why is everything so heavy?

As Shindo swept you into a kiss, it was all crystal clear to Bakugo. He would never get over you. He would carry the weight of your breakup for the rest of his life. Maybe the weight would get lighter, and maybe it would only get heavier, but it would always be there.

Why is everything so heavy?

Bakugo finally realized that you had moved on from him. You had Shindo. You didn’t need him anymore.

If I just let go I’ll be set free.

You had finally let go. You were finally free.

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98prilla · 4 years ago

Text

Medicate

Thomas decides to try anxiety medication, working together with Virgil to find the one that works

AO3

….

I myself am on anxiety medication, and it is so helpful. I kinda hate the "Thomas takes medication and it hurts Virgil" trope, because that's not what the medication is meant to do, and if it does hurt you, then it's either the wrong dose or the wrong medication. This is mostly based off my own experiences trying to find the one that works.

….

“Hey.” He says, popping onto his place on the stairs, eyebrow raised as he looks around and sees no one else, just Thomas. “Sup?” He asks, nervousness creeping into him at Thomas's silence.

“I… wanted to talk to you about something. But I don’t want you to freak out and run away. I won’t do this if you don’t want me to.” Thomas says seriously, and his heart is racing now as he forces a deep breath in.

“Ok. Ok. Whatever it is, I won’t run, ok? Just… tell me now and explain after, otherwise, well, anxiety.” Thomas takes a deep breath, nodding once to steel himself.

“I want to start anxiety medication.” Static roars in his ears. He’s been too much, of course he has, and now Thomas is going to get rid of him just like he always should have.

“il. Virgil. Breathe. In for four… hold for seven… out for eight.” He slowly gets ahold of himself, following Thomas's voice out and back to reality until he blinks and his vision clears.

“sorry. I… whatever it was, I’m sorry." His voice is a whisper, but Thomas hears, coming closer and kneeling at the base of the stairs.

“no. It’s not like that, Virgil. I’ve been researching a lot. This isn’t to get rid of you. It won’t get rid of you. I want it to help. The both of us." He uncurls slightly, reassured at Thomas’s vehemence, curiosity peeking through. Thomas sees this and continues at his small nod.

“You work so hard, Virgil. And I appreciate it, I do. But we both know you go overboard sometimes. I’m not blaming you, I know you can’t help it, that we, can’t help it. But that isn’t healthy. Not being able to sleep, not being able to eat, heart racing and stomach churning constantly, isn’t healthy.” He nods again. He knows this. He can’t stop how he is, but he knows his habits are unhealthy. “That's what the meds are for. Not to get rid of you, not to impair your purpose, just… just to take the edge off. To give you space to breathe. To just… be. Help us relax, help us not overblow things, and if it is doing more than that, if it is hurting you, then it isn’t doing its job right, ok? If we do this, I need you on board. If you feel wrong or bad or sick, then either the dose or the med isn’t right for us, and we’ll try something else. The goal is not to get rid of you, Virg. It’s to help you.”

He’s silent for a moment, taking it all in, processing the information, before taking a deep breath, pushing back his hair.

“ok.”

“Ok?”

“Yeah. Ok. A few years ago I woulda laughed in your face, but I… I trust you, Thomas. Yeah, I’m freaked out and scared half to death but that’s part of the problem, isn’t it? I’m scared and guarded and overwhelmed all the time. I’m so… tired.” He bites his lip, looking down, feeling the tension thrumming in his shoulders, the slightly too fast beat of his heart, how even now his mind is screaming danger, and feels the weight of the world atop him. “I’m tired Thomas. So if you think this will help, ok. Let’s try it.”

“Thank you, virg. For hearing me out. I’m proud of you.” He hides his smile by rolling his eyes, looking up at Thomas.

“yeah, well, don’t go soft on me now, Thomas.” A small salute, and he's gone, leaving Thomas chuckling to himself on the staircase.

…

He pops into the living room with little fanfare, flopping onto the couch with a low sigh, faceplanting into the cushions. He can hear the scratch of Princey’s pencil against paper, Logan turning pages in a book, Patton humming softly to himself, but his hair prickles.

“It’s rude to stare, y’know.” He says, voice muffled by the cushion, but still loud enough they all hear.

“You’re not even looking at us! How do you know we’re staring?” Roman asks, and he rolls his eyes, flipping over so his head is against the arm rest, hugging a pillow to his stomach.

“Logan reads faster than that, he was barely turning pages. Patton only hums like that when he’s nervous and trying to pretend he’s not focused on the thing that he is focused on, and you kept stopping writing every few seconds before picking up again, erasing whatever you just wrote.” Roman gapes at him, Logan adjusts his glasses and Patton whispers ‘wow’.

“You got all that from listening?” Princey squeaks and he smirks.

“Amazing what you notice when you shut your mouth, Princey.” Roman splutters, making him laugh, Logan shaking his head fondly.

“so kiddo… how’d it go?” Patton asks softly, slipping onto the end of the couch, and Virgil looks up at him in surprise.

“You knew?”

“We did. Thomas approached all of us first, so we would be prepared to help, whatever the outcome of the conversation was. Based on your demeanor, I would assume it went well?” Logan asks, and he sighs, sitting up, hugging the pillow closer.

“Y’know, usually I’m not a fan of people talking behind my back, but I’ll let it slide this time.” He comments, smiling slightly as Patton slides across the couch, sitting so their sides are touching.

“We get it, doom and gloom, how did it go?” Roman asks, throwing up his hands in faux exasperation.

“good, I guess. We talked, and I’m still… anxious, obviously, about it, about what could go wrong, but Thomas said that if it affects me… badly… he’ll stop. That it isn’t supposed to get rid of me, so we’re gonna try.”

“Thomas is correct. The medication is not supposed to impair you, rather it is supposed to help you better distinguish what is urgent and what is not. If it is doing anything other than that, it is not only harming you, but harming Thomas as well. I will be making daily observations, about your mood, physical state, mental state, sleep and food intake, to help monitor the effects of the medication and make sure that it is not causing you harm.”

“Oh Logan. You do care.” He snarks playfully, catching Logan’s stifled smile.

“Of course he does. We all do, Virg. We’ll all be keeping an eye out, ok?” Roman, soft and serious as he catches his eye.

“thanks, princey.” Patton simply shifts closer, waiting for his nodded permission before resting his head on his shoulder in silent support.

…

The first medication goes poorly.

Things are fine, at first. It takes two to three weeks to kick in, after all, though Virgil starts noticing changes by the end of week one.

He feels strange. Odd. Off. Sometimes, the world seems to tilt under his feet, and he finds himself losing his balance, stumbling over his own feet, running into doors and walls, misjudging their distance. He writes it off as a result of not getting enough sleep, which is true. He’s sleeping less than normal, almost not at all, going through episodes of heightened energy before crashing.

The crux of it all is when he’s been awake for five days straight, unable to turn off his mind, twitchy and sure that Thomas is being watched, being followed. He jumps at a hand on his shoulder, heart speeding, already on the edge of panic, eyeshadow dark and breathing rapid.

“Virgil. We need to speak to Thomas.” His heart rate spikes further, and he pushes Logan away, shaking his head, hands shaking.

“No. no, no, no. I can’t, I’m busy, they’re watching, I can’t go out there or they’ll see. They can’t see.”

“I promise nothing will happen to you. They can’t get you if I’m there. I will keep you safe.” Hesitantly, he nods. Logan is smart, Logan can outsmart them, trick them, maybe he can get them to go away.

“Thomas. This one isn’t working.” Logan states as they rise up. He is pressed against the wall, eyes darting wildly, breathing erratic and wrong, pressure building in his chest. Thomas looks up at him, eyes wide, and he stumbles back further.

“Virgil?” He shakes his head, panic taking over him. Because that isn’t Thomas. He doesn’t know how he knows, but he knows, that isn’t Thomas, someone has taken Thomas and replaced him, this isn’t his host, his friend, and Thomas is in danger, and he didn’t notice and how could he fail like this, fail Thomas, like this?

Then the world goes black.

…

They take a month. The medication needs to get out of Thomas’s system, and he needs to wean himself off it. He is paranoid and stressed and when it finally stops, he sleeps for nearly three days straight. During it all, the others take turns staying with him, never leaving him alone, constantly talking him down from his ever present fear and panic, wiping himself out with panic attacks day after day. It’s the worst experience of his entire life.

…

“Hey.” He appears of his own accord on the stairs, Thomas looking up from the couch, concern in his eyes. He hadn’t appeared since he’d passed out, though the others had, to give Thomas updates. He’d admitted he hadn’t been feeling quite right either, but hadn’t really noticed how bad he himself was getting until Virgil.

“Virgil, are you ok? I’m so sorry, I-“ He holds up a hand, gathering his thoughts and stopping Thomas’s rambling.

“I’m fine. You don’t need to apologize. It wasn’t your fault. We knew there was a chance it wasn’t gonna go well. Stuff like this, doesn’t usually work on the first try. But I think… I think we should try again.” Thomas blinks in surprise, looking at him carefully, trying to asses his words.

“You do? I thought you’d be entirely against it now.” He shrugs, looking away.

“Sure, that one didn’t go well, to say the least, but… I don’t want that to stop you. Stop us. It’ll still help, once we find the right one.” Thomas smiles softly, nodding.

“ok. Ok, let’s do it. I’ll set up another appointment.”

…

He doesn’t notice the changes, this time.

They are gradual. Slow.

He finds the ever present tension leaking out of his shoulders.

He finds it easier to breath. His chest feels lighter, open, not tight and taut and suffocating.

He doesn’t panic, when the waiter asks Thomas to order. When a stranger bumps into Thomas on the street. When he fumbles over his words on a phone call.

He’s sleeping. He finds himself drifting farther and farther from his usual 3am bedtime and noon wake up, until he’s forgoing his usual tumblr scrolling, phone set aside by ten. The first time he wakes up at nine, well rested and light, is when he realizes that this… this is working.

He cries that day. He sits on the couch and cries, letting Patton pull him close and hold him, letting himself lean into the touch, and for once it doesn’t feel too much, it feels nice and good, and he cries harder as Patton shushes him, rubbing his back.

“you ok, kiddo?” Patton asks, when his cries die down into sniffles, slipping off Patton’s lap, but not going far, letting the fatherly side keep an arm around his shoulders, gently rubbing circles with his thumb.

“I didn’t realize… I didn’t realize I wasn’t supposed to feel like that, all the time. I didn’t realize I wasn’t supposed to be afraid all the time. I… I just…” He swipes at his eyes, letting out a shuddering sigh.

“it’s ok, Virg. I’m just glad it helps. I’m so glad you’re doing better, I’m so glad this is working. You’re sleeping more. You’re smiling more. You’re laughing, Virgil, and it just makes me so, so, so, happy. You don’t look like you’ve got the weight of the world on your shoulders anymore. You don’t slouch as much, you’re more confident, you’re more open to touch, you come to us when you’re worked up, you’re not constantly second guessing yourself, and it’s beautiful, Virgil. It’s beautiful, to watch you grow like this. To watch you be able to let go of some of that.” He stares at Patton, mind spinning out, because he’d noticed some of that, but not all of it.

“I hadn’t noticed.”

“You aren’t supposed to. It’s not changing who you are, Virg. It’s just… letting you be who you are without all of the fear. It’s slow and steady progress. And I’m so proud of you, kiddo.”

He buries his face against Patton’s side, laughing and crying all at once, because he loves this feeling, loves feeling like this, loves… loves himself.

For the first time ever, he isn’t afraid.

And Patton is right.

It’s beautiful.

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themadlostgirl · 4 years ago

Text

Abandoned (6)

*I had two months to do requests and this story and I waited until the week before classes start again to make some significant headway. You may hate me but I hate myself more.*

~~~

It was always strange looking through the items I had kept from my previous life. The books were nice to read, and some of the knicknacks I kept, but something I never really thought of were my clothes. Most of the clothes that I wore for everyday use had been altered in some shape or form after many years of roughing it on the island. It was a distinctly different style to what the Lost Boys usually wore but no one could say I didn’t fit in because of it.

There was one garment I had not let be touched by the island. A dress. One meant to look pretty and be admired. It was nothing too grand. A deep royal blue of soft velvet, puffed sleeves, a tiny bit of white lace along the neck and cuffs, and deep maroon flowers embroidered along the hem. There were a matching pair of blue slippers to go with it. The chemise to be worn underneath had been long ago torn apart to use as bandages.

Sometimes when I was alone I’d try it on and try to picture an event where I would have ever worn it. There must have been a time I did. Gliding along a polished floor dancing under the candlelight.

I stood on the beach in the dead of the night, wearing my pretty dress and imagining the scene that played out in my head. If I closed my eyes I could almost hear music.

“Da da da da dum dum dum,” I hummed as I swayed across the sand, “Da da da da dum da dum,”

“She does dance,” I stopped immediately and turned towards the voice. Peter stood at the edge of the jungle watching me with an amused smile. “All these years and I have never seen you dance once. Not even when I asked.”

“What are you doing out here? You’re never awake this late,” I suddenly felt self conscious at the knowledge that he saw me dancing by myself in my dress.

“Couldn’t sleep, wondered if you were awake yet,” He came closer, scanning me from head to toe. “I almost didn’t recognize you. Since when do you have something like this?”

“It’s from before,” I tried to subtly pull up the neckline, “I just wanted to try it on.”

“There’s nothing wrong with wanting to look pretty, precious.” His hand reached out and rubbed the fabric of my sleeve between his fingers. “It suits you.”

“Thanks, but it is very late and I should be getting some rest now,” I tried to rush past him. He grabbed hold of my arm and pulled me back in front of him with a spin. I almost tripped at the sudden motion and went tumbling into his arms. My face buried in his chest.

His laugh rumbled softly against my cheek. I stood up ramrod straight, eyes wide and nervous. Peter hummed happily once more and took a step back. He bent forward at the waist in a deep bow with his hand outstretched towards me. “May I have this dance, my lady?”

“What?” I kept my arms crossed close to my chest, “You’re being ridiculous. Stand up. There’s not even any music you loon.”

“You didn’t need any before,” He gazed up at me, “Come on, indulge me for once.”

I scanned the trees, paranoid even now that someone would come upon us, “Only if you promise not to tell any of the boys you saw me in this. I don’t think I’d be able to win their respect back if they knew I liked playing dress up.”

“I do not think there is anything in this world that could do such a thing but on my honor I won’t tell them. Besides, I rather like having this little secret of yours all to myself.” He stood to his full height and placed one hand on my waist while the other took my hand. “Now how did that song you were singing go? Da da da da dum dum dum,”

“Da da da da dum da dum,” I sung back quietly as we started to twirl in the sand. “Dum dum da dum da dum dum dum,”

For a few blessed moments it was just us on that beach dancing along the shore. Peter humming in my ear. Bodies pressed flushed together. Far closer than we needed to be. It was a game we played. Cheeky touches and flirtatious comments. I can’t remember when it started. I think it may have been around the time I started referring to him as Peter instead of Pan. How many years ago was that now?

This was not the first time we had ever been this close but it felt much more intimate than those times he did it to embarrass me in front of the boys. There was no one but us here and he gazed at me in such a way that rendered my tongue useless.

Our grand sweeping steps and spins dissolved away until it was just the two of us holding each other close. My head resting on his shoulder as we swayed slowly to the sound of the waves. Peter’s voice was right in my ear, hushed and low. Like a secret being shared.

“You dance beautifully, and here I thought you never did because you couldn’t.” Peter said, “Why stay so still?”

“I don’t know,” I whispered back, “Never felt right.”

Echoes of another time doing something like this floated to my mind. So faint that I half thought I imagined them entirely. But if it was just my imagination then why did they make me so angry? Why did my heart break when they came to me? The memories were far different from this personal and quiet moment Peter and I shared. The memory clawing to the surface...it was anything but relaxing.

“I see that,” Peter brushed away a stray tear I hadn’t realized escaped, “Something from before?”

“I think there was a man,” I whispered as we came to a stop, “They had red hair, the room was spinning and someone was laughing. Everything was entirely too warm...”

“Are you alright?” Peter asked, “You look as if you’ve seen a ghost.”

“Something like that,” I stepped away from him. I kept my eyes down on the ground, my face hot with an embarrassment. “I am going to turn in now.”

“But--”

“I don’t want to talk about it!” I snapped, “I don’t even remember him.”

“Him who? Your father?”

“Someone else,” I shook my head, banishing the memories that were trying to become more coherent, “No! No one! I don’t remember anything! I don’t want to remember anything or anyone!”

“Precious,” Peter followed me, wrapping his arms around me from behind. “We don’t have to remember anything. I’m sorry. Come, let’s finish that dance.”

“I don’t feel like dancing anymore.” I pushed his arms off me, “I really am tired though, please leave.”

Peter sighed and stepped away from me, his posture now rigid and guarded. Such a cold change from the boy that danced with me and spoke so sweetly to me a moment ago. “Of course, sorry to keep you. I won’t intrude again.”

My heart sunk into my stomach. “Peter--”

He disappeared. “Damn it.” I went about wrestling the dress off my figure and changing back into my normal clothes. I had half a mind to toss the infernal dress onto the fire or rip it in two but I folded it and neatly stored it away for another day. It wasn’t the dress’s fault I couldn’t keep my shit together.

It wasn’t Peter’s fault that I kept pulling away from him. I’ve been fighting against being close to him ever since I came to Neverland. I’ve come a long way since then but even when I wanted to be near him I was pushing him away. Being that close to someone again was terrifying. If I keep my heart closed then no one can hurt it.

The days went by since that night and Peter wasn’t coming by to visit me like he used to. Where before I could count on him coming by twice to three times a day I barely got to see him at his own camp. We still talked and laughed but there was a wall up between us that hadn’t been there before. It was there and I didn’t know how to take it back down.

That’s when she came to the island.

A girl with curly blonde hair, big innocent eyes, and a white nightgown touched down on Neverland’s shores. Right next to my camp as it were. I don’t know why Peter’s shadow left her there but she was here and I couldn’t very well ignore her with her right in front of me.

“Hello,” her voice was as sweet as her face, “I’m Wendy Darling. Who are you?”

I told her my name. She nodded sweetly and sat down in the sand next to me with a wide smile. She gazed around her in wonder. “So this is really Neverland? The place where children never grow up and can have fun forever?”

“Something like that, yes.” I answered. She was as innocent as a lamb but it was that innocence that made me uneasy. She was so perfect. Too perfect. I wanted to ruin her. Stain that pretty little lace nightgown or scar that cute face. Something to make her less appealing.

“Good evening,” Relief flooded my body as I turned to see Peter approaching. The smile on my face slowly faded as he walked past me and stood before Wendy Darling. “You must be the new person the shadow brought. I’m Peter Pan.”

“Very nice to meet you, Peter Pan.” Wendy shook his outstretched hand.

“Please, call me Peter.”

For a few moments my mouth hung open as Peter and Wendy exchanged a few pleasantries. Wendy giggled. Peter laughed. He was smiling. My Peter was smiling softly for this girl he had just met.

No. Not my Peter. How could I ever try to claim him as mine? He’s the ruler of Neverland and the Leader of the Lost Boys. My leader. Nothing more. I made sure of that, didn’t I?

Peter and Wendy stood up, Peter gallantly offering up his arm for Wendy to take as they started walking towards the jungle. Go. Just go already! Take your damn happiness and perfection and get out of my sight!

They left without another glance back at me.

All this time I kept Peter at arm’s length because I couldn’t handle the loss of someone I cared about leaving me again. Yet, without meaning to by keeping him at arm’s length I was letting him slip from my grasp altogether. I don’t want to lose Peter. I can’t lose someone else.

But what was there to do now? He obviously didn’t care one way or another. It wasn’t like I was one of his Lost Boys. I was a Lost Girl. An outlier. The only reason I was here was because my father abandoned me and joining up with Peter was the only option left to me. If I stayed out on my own I would have died. Now? What was I to do now if Peter didn’t care about me anymore? I wasn’t exactly close to any of the Lost Boys. I guess I still had Tinkerbell but I see here even more rarely than I talk to the Lost Boys.

I’m exactly where I was all those years ago. A scared and confused girl sitting on a beach with no one to care for but myself.

I didn’t follow them back to camp. The next day when I was checking my traps for small game and spotted Peter walking with Wendy I didn’t listen to what they said. When I heard music playing in the jungle I didn’t follow it.

It had been a couple of days since Wendy had come to the island. Every time I ventured into the jungle on my daily routine Peter was always there with her, with Wendy Darling. It was uncomfortable at first but I was soon getting annoyed by it. He knows this is where I go, he’s accompanied me enough times, can’t he give me the decency to ignore me in places where I am not?

In an effort to avoid this I grabbed my bag and hiked my way to the top of Dead Man’s Peak to spend the day. When I reached for my whetstone to sharpen my blades though I found it missing. Strange since I always kept it in my bag. Perhaps I had forgotten it at my camp? Heavens forbid it fell out somewhere on my way up this mountain. I’d never find it again.

Fine. I’ll just hope that I forgot my whetstone at my camp and sharpen my sword and dagger later. I fished around in my bag for some food as I watched the landscape below. The waves rolling in on the shore, the trees swaying in the breeze, the sound of the spring babbling behind me. It was relaxing. I should come up here more often.

The sound of crunching gravel ruined my moment of peace. Of course someone would be coming up here as I was relaxing. They were probably here to collect some dreamshade and would be gone just as quick. I scooted over so I wasn’t in the way and dug into my lunch.

“I know it is a bit of a journey but the view is well worth it.” The voice of one of my intruders said.

Please. No. Not here too.

“You’re right, Neverland looks amazing from up here,” Wendy said, her face bright with perspiration and glee. Her eyes landed on me and she smiled wider, “Apparently we are not the only ones who thought so. Hello again.”

“Hello indeed, Lost Girl,” Peter smirked, “Strange to find you all the way up here at this time of day.”

“Well I live to disappoint.” I stuffed my lunch back in my bag. “I’ll be going now.”

“Oh please stay!” Wendy caught my arm as I tried to walk past them, “I’ve been having so much fun I haven’t had a chance to come visit with you again. I’m curious to know more about the pirate turned Lost Girl the boys have been telling me about. Did you go on many adventures?”

“Sorry to say but I barely remember anything from those days.” I pried her hand off me, “And I don’t want to.”

“Come now, Lady Jones, I know you remember some things.” Peter said, “Indulge our new Lost Girl.”

I grabbed Peter by the throat. He didn’t seem concerned but Wendy leapt away with a yelp. “I told you never to call me that again.” I snarled.

“Now, now, spitfire, no need to make a scene. You’re scaring our guest.” Peter said calmly.

I let go of him and readjusted my bag on my shoulder. There was a gleam in his eye that I knew far too well. A game. This was all a game to him. I should have known from the start. It couldn’t be by accident that he kept turning up where I was with Wendy at his side. For whatever reason he did it I knew not, nor did I care. I was through playing his games.

Without another word I turned and made my journey back down the mountain. I got back to my camp as the sun was setting and I searched through my things looking for my whetstone but it was still missing. Guess I’ll have to borrow one from the boy’s camp.

The sky had almost gone completely dark by the time I reached the camp. I approached one of the boys and asked for a whetstone. They disappeared to find one and I stood by waiting. Several minutes passed and the boy had yet to come back. What was taking him so long?

In the light of the bonfire a group of Lost Boys were dancing. That was nothing new. What everyone had stopped to admire though was not the boys. It was Wendy Darling, jumping and twirling around the fire. Her golden locks like spirals of flame in the firelight, a wide and happy smile adorned her perfectly porcelain face, and she was dressed in a blue velvet dress that spun gracefully around her.

I stepped closer. All rational thought had left and I focused solely on the perfectly happy girl in front of me. She spotted me and leapt away from the ring of dancing to approach me. “You’re here! I’m sorry if my request earlier was rude. I had no idea that you didn’t--”

“Where did you get that dress?” I asked, heart thudding dully in my chest.

“Isn’t it beautiful? I feel just like a princess,” She giggled, “Peter gave it to me. He said it was an apology for causing a scene in front of me earlier. Of course I thought it much to grand and nice for a simple apology but he insisted. It hadn’t fit quite right when I put it on so he waved his hand and magically made it to my exact adjustments. Do you like it?”

“It’s mine...that’s my dress.”

“Oh,” She smoothed her hands down the skirt, “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know. Peter had said--”

“Yes, he says a lot of things.” My hands clenched at my sides.

“I’ll give it back. Just let me go change.” Wendy said.

“No.” I snapped, “Don’t bother. It suits you better anyway.”

I turned to leave. The reason I had come here forgotten as the ache that had taken root in my chest days earlier burst into a pain that consumed me from head to toe. Ignore me. Fine. Mock me. I don’t care. Give away the one thing I used to remind myself I was a woman? The one piece of finery I let myself have? The one thing that made me feel pretty?

My hands were shaking. Bitter tears were trying to escape but I wouldn’t let him have the satisfaction. He could take my peace, my dress and even my heart but he would not have my tears!

I stopped. The air around me growing cold. My heart? When did I ever let Peter lay claim to that? Surely I was not so dumb as to let someone as horrible as him sneak his way under my skin. There was no way I could have possibly fallen for the codfish! Not after he’s snubbed me all this time! Not after he gave away my possessions to what is essentially a total stranger!

Then I remembered us dancing on the beach. My head on his shoulder as he hummed quietly in my ear. I remembered us flying together. Holding tightly to him as he flew us high into the clouds where we sat overlooking the island. The first time I had called him Peter. The first time we started flirting. The ridiculous little bows he would do when asking me to walk with him and the equally silly kisses to my hand when he left.

I remembered when we were dueling and I cut him deeper than I meant to across his shoulder. He said it was no big deal but I had felt bad and bandaged it. It wasn’t until I had gone through the whole process that he reminded me he had magic to make it better. Not wanting to look like an idiot I had claimed I had magic to and gave the spot a kiss. I faintly remembered a woman long ago kissing my scraped knee to make it better. Just like magic. After that moment any time he got even the tiniest cut he came to me asking to kiss it better. I figured he was teasing me but I relented every time.

Nights sitting together on the beach looking up at the stars. Days filled with laughter as we lazed about the island. Quiet mornings slumped against each other as we watched the sunrise.

Peter had never taken my heart. I had given it to him long ago and I never even noticed. I liked him. I liked him and yet I wanted to hate him. He got to me and then he hurt me. He hurt me just like father had!

No. I would not mourn a betrayal like this again. I will not. I turned around and charged right back into camp, sword drawn. The boys parted before me. My eyes lit with fury that permeated with every step back into camp.

I saw him. Standing just at the corner of the shadows. Wendy Darling was with him. Dressed in her nightgown again and holding a pile of fabric out to him. As if sensing me Peter looked directly at me. His bored expression shifting into a smirk before falling as I prowled closer. He pushed Wendy aside and faced me.

“Spitfire, what is it--” I cut him off with a quick swipe of my sword. He jumped back out of range.

“You slimy, underhanded, unfeeling, and traitorous codfish!” I yelled as I kept taking swings at him. He was dodging all my attacks and it only made me angrier. I wanted to skewer him. I wanted to run this foolish bastard through and watch his blood paint my blade.

He got his hands on a sword and started blocking my attacks. “What is wrong with you?” He asked as he started regaining his footing.

“You are what is wrong with me!” I screamed as I tried to hit him again. “You lying, worthless sack of fish guts!”

“Spitfire, please, let me--” he tried to say but I increased. My attacks getting faster as I tried to overtake him again. My vision flooded red.

“Enough!” He disarmed me, leaving a long, shallow cut along my hand as he did. The boys surrounding us grabbed me and held me so I couldn’t get away. Peter was breathing heavily and stabbed the sword into the dirt. He collected mine from the ground.

“Now,” he said, “If I tell them to let you go are you going to try to decapitate me again.”

“You’d deserve it.” I snarled. “Lying little imp!”

“I am many things, swordfish, but a liar is not one of them.” A shadow passed over his face. “Let her go.”

The boys released me and Peter grabbed hold of my wrist. He pulled me away from camp and wouldn’t let go until we were back at my camp on the beach. The fight inside me had ebbed away leaving soul crushing sorrow in its place. I didn’t dare say a word, convinced that I would turn into a blubbering mess if I did.

When we got back to my camp Peter let go of me. I figured he would drop me off and leave but instead he grabbed a few logs I had kept near my fire ring and tossed them in before lighting it. He sat down and pulled me down with him. He inspected the cut on my hand without a word and took a rag from his pocket to bandage it. Why was he doing this?

“Sorry I had to do that,” He said, quietly, “You weren’t giving me much other option.”

He tied off the bandage and brought my hand closer to his face. I expected he was checking to see it wouldn’t bleed through when he gently pressed his lips to it in a darting kiss. Then I started crying.

I couldn’t stop it. The tears I had tried to hold back for so long came spilling out without mercy or an end in sight.

“Precious girl,” Peter sighed, pulling me into his arms. “I didn’t know I hurt you this bad.”

“Well you did.” I gasped out. My hands fisted in his shirt. I wanted to push him away and pull him in closer at the same time. “You mocked me.”

“I did.”

“You gave away my dress.”

“I did.”

“You ignored me!”

He took a deep breath, holding me closer. “I did.”

“Why?” I pounded my fists on his chest, “Why!”

“I thought it was a good idea at the time. I thought that it would make you admit it.”

“Admit what?”

“That you…” he trailed off. His clear green eyes searched mine. A secret laid just beyond them that he would not voice. “You and I have been playing this back and forth for years, Lost Girl. The other night when we were dancing I thought you were finally opening up to me and then you pushed me away again. I was sick of it. I thought that maybe if I could make you jealous then you’d realize what it was that you truly felt. You started me more though and I got desperate. I never meant to hurt you though. Never wanted to ignore you.”

“It’s not as simple as you want it to be, Peter.” I shoved him off, “It is not that easy for me to admit such things.”

“And you think it is at all easy for me? You think that I have ever felt this way about someone before? I haven’t! Not until you. Only if it’s you.” He said, “What makes it so hard for you?”

“Why do you think? I don’t want to let someone into my heart just for them to abandon me again. I can’t let myself trust someone like that again. They only end up hurting me.” I sobbed. “Just like papa did...just like you did.”

“My precious pearl,” Peter whispered, wiping the tears from my eyes with a tenderness that I craved, “Do you not remember what I promised you so long ago? I promised that you would never be alone again. I am not in the business of breaking my promises. If you were to have me, you would never lose me. Do you understand?”

“How can I be sure?”

“Because you are my Lost Girl.” He held tight to my uninjured hand, “From the moment I first saw you when you were only a pirate’s daughter, I vowed that you would be mine. Anyone or anything that tries to say otherwise will now have to get through me.”

“Yours?” A hope bubbled inside me. Peter smiled.

“Mine.” He closed the distance between us and kissed me. It sent a bolt of lightning straight up my spine. I touched a hand to his face and he held it there against his cheek. “Yours.”

“Mine.” I whispered with a smile as I kissed him once more. A promise passing between us that molded some of my shattered pieces back together. Never alone again.

---

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#peter pan is bad at feelings #peter pan ouat #ouat peter pan #ouat #neverland #peter pan imagine #peter pan x reader

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ijustwant2write · 4 years ago

Text

A Little Secret-Alfie Solomons x OC!Reader (Part 2/?)

(GIF credit to @call-me-nightwing)

Part 1

Masterlist

Prompts List

Tags: @haphazardhufflepuff @mollybegger-blog @broitsriah @maryan028 @peakascum @captivatedbycillianmurphy @jenepleurepasbaby @amirahiddleston @bloodorangemoonlight @haphazardhufflepuff @mzcrazy2

Summary: Izzy has no idea about the protection she is now under, causing her to panic when she spots men lingering outside her house. She needs Alfie’s help, but is hesitant, especially after she disappointed him. He has the power, and Izzy will never deny that.

Characters: Alfie Solomons x OC!Reader, Ollie x OC!Reader

Warnings: Swearing, panic attacks, violence, fighting, arguing, some fluff

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Ollie was fully focused as he drove Izzy home, knowing that the men stationed at her home were already patrolling the area. Her home wasn’t in the safest neighbourhood, but Izzy had never brought up any troubles if she had any. Though when Ollie thought about it, she hardly talked about herself anyway. He really didn’t know who this woman was, only that she had some sort of tie to Alfie, probably the only woman his boss ever spoke about or was seen with.

"Sorry that Mr Solomons made you drop me off." Izzy apologised as they pulled up outside her house.

"Don't worry Izzy, I really didn't mind. Especially after what happened today."

He regretted saying that as he saw the panic appear on her face, cursing to himself when he realised that he was turning onto her street.

"You're safe you know, Alfie wouldn't let anything happen to you." Ollie calmly said.

"Why would something happen to me?"

"Izzy, it won't! Come on, I'll walk you to the door."

"No, don't worry. You've done enough for me Ollie. Good night."

Izzy climbed out of the car, hoping Ollie didn't notice how fast she was walking towards her front door. Her key was already out, and she hastily unlocked the door, but not before quickly waving to Ollie, acting as if everything was alright. As soon as he started driving away, she rushed inside, instantly locking and bolting the door shut (she had multiple locks that helped her sleep at night).

Her breathing was heavy as she practically tiptoed upstairs. She always hated noise, and something had always told her she needed to listen out in case anyone else had sneaked in. Izzy could always hear her neighbours either side of her. On the right, Mr Jeffrey was also alone in his old age, but his footsteps were heavy and dragged along the floor; then there was the Thomas's family, which consisted of a middle aged, married couple (who liked to shout at each other rather than talk) and their four feral children. Sometimes it was nice to know that there were people around her, but when she heard a random bump in the night, it frightened her to the core.

Laying in bed that night, Izzy couldn't stop her mind from flashing back to the events of that day. It had only just started to sink in. First the random man following her, humiliating herself in front of Mr Solomons and his business partners, all before someone was shot. It was supposed to be like any other day. Why was today different? Why was Izzy caught up in something like this when she had never done anything wrong?

The young woman bolted upright when she heard a cough outside. It was a simple cough, but who would be out at this time? There was actually a lot of explanations for that. It could be a homeless man, someone coming home from the pub. However, it still put Izzy on edge, and she just knew she had to check to put her mind at ease. Sliding out of bed, Izzy got onto all fours, crawling towards her window. Ever so slowly, she peaked through her curtains whilst on her knees, spotting a man stood in her back yard. Gasping, she fell back to the floor again, instantly beginning to panic. Izzy was too scared to move, but knew she had to get to the phone, even though it was downstairs. Continuing to crawl, she made it to the stairs, finally standing and going down the stairs as silently, but quickly as possible. She was extremely grateful that Alfie had installed a phone into the house as she reached up towards it, sitting on the cold floor beside the table it was set on.

Waiting for Alfie to pick up, Izzy prayed for some sort of noise from either neighbour, something to reassure her that they were awake and she could rush over there if needs be. Alfie still hadn’t answered when a shadow passed over her, casted from the small window in her front door. Her hand slapped over her mouth to silence her whimpers, trying to think of things in her house that could be used as a weapon. Were these men associates of the man who had been shot? What if they wanted revenge, so they were using her to get back at Alfie?

“Who the fuck is this?” Alfie’s voice startled Izzy.

“Mr Solomons, there are two men at my house!” she exclaimed through a whisper.

“There’s actually four Izzy.” he moaned, still half asleep.

“What?”

“I put them there, didn’t I?”

“W-why?”

“Just a precaution.”

Izzy hesitantly stood, staying close to the phone.“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Look, Izzy, it’s...it’s fucking three in the morning luv, I can’t think straight right now. We’ll talk about this later.”

Alfie put down the phone, leaving Izzy shocked with her mouth wide open. Although angry, she carefully put the phone back, only to yelp out when there was a knock at the door, despite it being soft. She opened it only by a crack, recognising one of Alfie’s men that dealt with anyone causing trouble for his boss.

“You alright miss?” he asked, his cockney accent think like Alfie’s.

Izzy just nodded, closing the door before he could say anything else. As she slumped off to bed again (dreading having to get up so early for work now she had less sleep), she thought of all the things she could scream in Mr Solomons’ face; however, that wasn’t going to happen, never in a million years. He would call her into his office, explain his reasons then send her away again. It was just easier that way.

No one noticed how tired Izzy looked that morning, though that was because she kept to herself as usual. Her eyes were bleary, straining when she checked through the documents she needed to fill out. Why was the writing always so small? Izzy distracted herself with the work load, wondering if Mr Solomons had forgotten about the call earlier that morning, or whether he just didn’t care. Either reason was fine with her, it meant not having to blush profusely in front of him whilst he explained himself.

“Izzy-”

She almost dropped the clipboard in her hands as Ollie showed up behind her. He held his hands up in surrender, backing away slightly as she caught her breath.

“What’s shaken you up?”

Izzy raised an eyebrow at him before looking back down at her papers.

“Oh right, sorry. Been so busy I just forgot about that and....” his words trailed off when he realised she wasn’t listening properly.“Mr Solomons wants you in his office, now.”

As Ollie walked away, Izzy quietly sighed to herself. The thing she had been avoiding was now here. Although at dawn it had seemed right to call him, she now felt stupid. Hopefully it was a light scolding before going back to work.

Her light knocking on the door almost amused Alfie. If he had been talking to someone in his office, he would never have heard her. He called her in, seeing the bags under her eyes, and how she couldn’t seem to look at him. Gesturing to the seat across from him, he waited for her to sit before speaking.

“Look, last night-”

“I’m sorry Mr Solomons.”

They both spoke at the same time. Izzy shrunk further into her seat, scolding herself for being so rude. Of course he was going to speak first! Alfie waited a minute before an idea popped into his head.

“Izzy, please speak.”

Izzy was hesitant, thinking that this was maybe one of his mind games. He had a way of making people look a fool of themselves, she didn’t want to be one of them.

“I’m sorry for calling you so early. I overreacted, I should have just left it alone.” she mumbled.

Alfie groaned.“Come on girl, you fucking hate me right now, don’t ya?”

Her head shot up, eyes widening.“No! Of course I don’t!”

“Just tell me what you’re really thinking in that pretty little head of yours. We’ve known each other long enough for you to speak freely in my presence.”

She was still blushing from his (somewhat of a) compliment. Her mind was in two halves; one was stressing her not to say anything, thinking she would be in deep trouble if she did so, but on the other hand, she never had much chance to express herself, nor was she ever so tempted.

“Well...” Izzy thought for a moment,“I think I had a right to know your concerns for my safety. I should have known that those men were guarding me, b-because...because they scared me! There was a moment I thought you wouldn’t answer the phone and, and, I didn’t know how I was supposed to defend myself!”

Alfie had never heard her voice this loud, even though it would still be classed as her indoor voice. If the situation wasn’t so dangerous, he would have found it hard to contain a laugh. However, she seemed stressed, her voice wavering like it usually did when she became upset. Although she was now sat up straight, Alfie could see her shoulders slumped, hands clasped together to stop them visibly shaking.

“Is there anything else you would like to add?” he quietly asked.

“Why didn’t you tell me in the first place?”

“Didn’t want to panic you. Didn’t work out that way did it?”

“What do I need to be worried about? Should I be looking out for someone coming to hurt me?”

Alfie sighed, running a hand down his face, a common habit of his. He wasn’t going to tell her the truth, he had seen what stress did to her when it took over, that wasn’t fair to send her spiraling again.

“I was just paranoid after the other day. I should have told you.”

“So...will those men still be there tonight?”

“One more night. Just to make sure. I’ll get another lad to take you home again.”

They sat in silence, both unsure if the conversation was over now. Izzy was too nervous to stand in case it wasn’t, but the atmosphere was awkward. Her eyes cast down to her shoes, which were caked with dust from the floor. They would need cleaning later. Alfie still hadn’t said anything, he couldn’t look at Izzy either, staring at the wall off to his left. However, as both decided to do something about the silence, Izzy standing and Alfie beginning to speak, the awkwardness just increased.

“Iz,” Alfie was surprised as she shot back down into her seat,“don’t stress, yeah? I don’t want to see you like that again, alright.”

Izzy didn’t reply, she didn’t even nod.

“Right.” Alfie mumbled.“Well, that’s all I had to say really.”

Izzy said nothing as she stood again, swiftly leaving and almost sprinting away from the office. The humiliation made her feel sick, situations like those were her worst fear. But Alfie felt somewhat relieved it was over, thinking he would get away with hiding the truth for a little longer.

It was the last hour of the working day, and Izzy was finding it harder and harder to keep her eyes open. She had updated the stock numbers, happy to be out of the large, cold and daunting room. It was never her favourite part of the day. There were only a few light bulbs in there, they were always dim no matter how many times they had been replaced. Her shoulders were tense, keeping her eyes focused on the papers as to not notice the ominous shadows being casted around her. If she stared at a spot for too long, her mind would create something sinister that had plagued her nightmares. Suddenly the lights went out, darkness enveloping everything. It was pitch black, she was alone, she couldn’t stay there.

“Hello?!” she called out.“I’m still in here! Is anyone out there? Was there a power cut?!”

She stumbled her way through the dark, not making it very far when her skirt got caught on something, causing her to hastily tug on it. Izzy pulled too hard in a panic, falling onto her side on the stone floor. But she didn’t stay down for long, scrambling onto her feet. Feeling disorientated, Izzy clutched onto her chest as her breathing became rapid, heart beating fast and loud in her ears. Her hands felt around for the wooden door, but all she felt were barrels upon barrels, sometimes the stone wall. There was no way of knowing which way to go, she couldn't tell which way she was facing.

Pinning her back to the wall, she slowly slid down it, wrapping her arms around her knees and clutching onto her skin. She despised the dark, it held too many horrible memories, it was untrustworthy, anything could be lurking in it. Sobs racked her body, feeling completely forgotten, an all too familiar feeling to her. She was about to cry out again when the door burst open, light finally shining upon her;it had been further away than expected, but that didn't stop her from leaping up and dashing out of the room.

Izzy paid no attention to the men around her, coming to halt away from the group. Shaking hands cradled her face, as if she had to check that she was still there. Her cheeks were wet from the tears which she gently wiped away as she steadied her breathing, reminding herself over and over that she was safe again.

"You alright Izzy?" Ollie quietly asked as he stood in front her her.

She frantically nodded her head, moving away from him. She didn't want anyone near her just yet.

"What the fuck did you think you were doing?!" Aflie shouted in a worker's face.

"I didn't know she was in there!" the man protested.

"You should have checked before switching the fucking light off! Anyone could have been in there. What if a barrel fell on top of someone? Hm? You would have someone's death on your hands!"

"She would have been fine if she acted like an adult. Who on earth is still scared of the dark at her age?"

Ollie cringed as he finished his sentence. He knew what was coming. He held his arm out in front of Izzy, trying to turn her around or block her view of Alfie. However, Izzy didn't look away, she was never one for violence, but the shock of Alfie’s outburst had drawn her in.

The rage consuming Alfie was obvious. Alfie Solomons was an intimidating man when he was neutral, when someone made him angry, it was as if he were a monster out of a horror novel. The worker didn't even see Alfie pull his fist back before it punched him in the face, sending him flying to the floor. He had no time to even cry out as Alfie kicked him in the ribs, stumbling slightly before regaining his balance.

"Sort it out Ollie." he grumbled, walking away.

Izzy didn't feel as scared as she thought she would. Seeing someone being beaten up wasn't pleasurable to her, but she realised why she wasn't fearing Alfie again; he had an outburst because the man had disrespected her. He had stood up for her.

"Mr Solomons!" Izzy boldly called out, running after him.

"Izzy, don't!" Ollie tried to stop her.

Alfie stopped in his tracks, his fists clenching tightly. He heard her heels across the floor, getting closer and closer. He couldn't talk to her, not like this.

"Mr Solomons, I-" she started, but was soon interrupted.

"I don't want to hear it Izzy." he didn't even turn around and began walking away again.

Her voice became quieter."No, I just wanted to say-"

"I don't need your fucking opinion! I run this place, I discipline how I want to!" he shouted, storming into his office and slamming the door shut, causing the sound to echo out.

Every other man in the building had been listening (it was impossible not to). After staring at the door for a few more seconds, they knew the show was over, getting back to finishing their work for the day.

"Izzy, you shouldn't have done that." Ollie sighed once he caught up to her.

Her usual demeanour had returned now, ducking her head in embarrassment."I just wanted to thank him."

#alfie solomons #alfie solomons imagine #alfie solomons imagines #alfie solomons one shot #alfie solomons x reader #Peaky Blinders #bbc peaky blinders #peaky blinders bbc #peaky blinders imagine #peaky blinders imagines #peaky blinders x reader #peaky blinders one shot

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scarecoen · 3 years ago

Text

Trigger warning ⚠️ domestic violence.

I've typed this story a million times so I'm just going to summarize as much as I can.

A few days ago I was assaulted by my partner's family members. And as I've mentioned, I've typed this a million times and I'm honestly just exhausted thinking about it, but we could use some help.

My partner has always had a transphobic family. (I don't have anyone but my dad, who's in no position to help anyone.)

Her mom used her disability against her and manipulated her into giving her MOST of her checks. She's abused the system and my girlfriend.

When I met Jackie, she was with a terrible biggot. Jackie had came out, and her mother conspired with an abusive long distance ex, to fly her here, to stage an "intervention" and stop my partner from transitioning.

It worked. For years.

I met Jackie here on tumblr, we became good, SECRET friends because she wasn't allowed to talk to anyone.

I told Jackie openly about my views regarding gender and how I myself, was not cis.

Eventually she told her partner about us playing games together, which she responded to by harassing me.

Jackie ended up spilling the beans to me, about her mom, about the ex, everything. I realized that she had been extremely isolated and controlled her whole life.

So I intervened.

I got the two of them to separate, which wasn't smooth because Jackie was scared. She had been with her abuser for 9 years at this point. She's never known anything else.

The ex moved back to her state, and I started seeing Jackie, although she was stuck at her mom's... who was trying to play innocent at this time.

Eventually, I kinda just came and picked her up, she stayed the night, she didn't want to go back home. And I can't blame her. The house wasn't only disgusting, her family microagressed her all the time and they would tell her to pretty much stay in a dark room all day.

Ofc I didn't bring her back.

During early quarantine, we had a lot of self reflection and she started distancing herself from her mother, coming around to holding her accountable for her horrible actions.

Her mom messaged her things like "Why won't you talk to me? It's like you're trying to punish us!" Ect, just every fucking manipulative thing she could say, without ever apologizing.

Unfortunately the place we were staying fell through when my best friend's ex husband decided he wants a divorce and decided to throw in some transphobic hatespeach towards me.

We were all looking for somewhere to go.

I'm sure you know where this is going but listen, she told us EVERYTHING we wanted to hear. She told us she's not hateful now, told us she would go to trans support groups, pride, said she's realized how much she loves Jackie and it's time to accept her- and look- we had NO WHERE TO GO. We have 2 cats and at the time, a car that has no a/c or functional locks. AND I have a chronic autoimmune condition that I recently started taking chemo meds for. (Methotrexate.)

I'm too sick to be on the street, and survive. I had to think about me, Jackie, Zoe, and Boops.

And Jackie wanted to go..

I told her we'd be cautious and try to get out asap.

Well, looking for places right when the housing market crashed really fucked us up. That- and because I had only just finally got approved for disability, means I was set back in life- and had no credit to my name. No credit= no place to live.

I had almost built enough, but things went down hill very quickly with her family. Which leads us to right now:

After weeks of microagressions, giving us breakthrough covid cases, yelling at us to clean other's messes, and forcing us and our cats to isolate in our room, many broken promises, and straight up transphobic hatespeach (because she promised to get vaccinated but then said nvm as soon as we moved in and she went on vacation and got covid and gave it to us, which nearly killed me--) she said not getting the vaccine "IS A CHOICE, JUST LIKE YOU BEING TRANS AND TAKING *gestures to my testosterone* THOSE DRUGS."

We just were avoiding each other while I desperately try to gather resources for us to get out, NOW.

Of course, that wasn't good enough, so when her step father messaged her in all caps about our cats having to stay in our room and "I WON'T FUCKING TELL YOU AGAIN" my partner had a breakdown..

Her mom had let her step dad talk to her like this her whole life, basically.

Out of desperation, we went to her sister for help, maybe hoping she'd give us a place to stay for two weeks while we sign off on the lease for our new apartment.

She pretended to want to help and even said... something fucking weird? She made the comment that I'm a good person and I'm so much like her own boyfriend, that it's "scary"...

A few hours later she came to the house. She talked nicely to us, to gain access to our bedroom.

Then she attacked me.

I called the police right before, and was on the phone with dispatch when she lunged at me because she was aggressively trying to MAKE Jackie go into a separate room WITHOUT ME and Jackie was saying no, BEGGING her to STOP.

I wasn't going to let her take Jackie into that room. She looked fucking crazy.

All of the family came into our room, her two sisters, her mom, and her cousin- When they heard yelling.

It was actually me telling her mom that she's a terrible mother, that triggered her sister to try and attack me- although I knew she was planning on trying to from the moment she came into our room.

And that was after her mom was screaming in my face that if I have something to say, say it now.

Dispatch heard everything and sent emt as well...

But the police stayed outside, talking to them for a WHILE before even asking for us.

Her cousin is the only one that would have stood up for me, saying her sister never should have tried to hit me. But he was in the room with Jackie, giving her support...

I faced the cops alone.

He already had "that look."

He shined a light into my eye, letting the family stay on the porch, throwing insults and just letting it happen. He asked me where I'm hurt, and before I could even show him the scratches on my arm, he said "how do I know YOU didn't put those there?"

I wanted to fucking die in that moment.

This is a conservative city.

No one has equality stickers here. No one flies gay flags. People here that are lgbt- they LEAVE.

This is EXACTLY WHY.

I said "well is there any reason I should tell you anything when, clearly, you're already bias?"

I looked at the emts. I looked at his partner. I looked at all the lights and people coming out of their houses-

And behind me was her family.

Her sister that assaulted me, was laughing about having work in the morning.

All of them were looking at me, with hate in their eyes.

He tried to feed me bullshit about "well if I'm taking someone to jail, there has to be proof."

He dismissed everything I attempted to say, until I just stared at the ground and he decided he did his job here.

I told him my whole fucking body hurts because I had 4 people fucking toss my 100lbs ass all over the fucking room, which was a mess that he refused to look at.

He said "I don't see bruises."

I SPAT "BRUISES TAKE TIME?"

He retorted IMMEDIATELY- "YOU'RE NOT EVEN RED."

I asked what about the dispatcher- she seemed concerned- to which he said "you see, sometimes when people call us- they scream and be dramatic- for a quicker response."

I asked what we could do while the two weeks go by for our new place, and he fucking said "I DONT KNOW. BARRICADE YOURSELF IN YOUR ROOM OR SOMETHING."

Needless to say, we are now safe, in a hotel and I've gotten in touch with a few lgbt organizations that are attempting to help us get justice.

Unfortunately because it's a holiday weekend, all we can do is wait right now.

Our first order of business is getting a protection order, so that we can retrieve the rest of our things without her sister trying to attack us again. (I say us because she kept jumping towards Jackie, like she was threatening to hit her.)

I've been so gaslit and victim blamed that I was too scared to go to the er, even though this all happened in the midst of a flare, possibly including my liver health.

There's so much more to this story, as I'm sure other trans people can relate.. unfortunately.

The emts reluctantly offered to take me to the er, but I was like "and leave my partner here with them?" And he just fucking shrugged dude.

I hate this city.

I want out so bad but unfortunately I've committed to a year, but at least it'll be *our* apartment.

We could NOT stay there for two more weeks. Her step dad is a violent offender that has attempted to murder a homeless prostitute over some fucking pocket change- and he has a GUN in the house.

This hotel might run us into a hole, despite it being the cheapest, shittiest hotel in town, it's still going to be about 700$ for ONE week.

To ADD INSULT TO INJURY, SOMEONE ATTEMPTED TO STEAL MY VEHICLE WHILE WE'VE BEEN STAYING HERE.

I'm feeling incredibly paranoid and unsafe, but I'm on anxiety meds now at least and its SORTA helping us cope (My partner and I have the same Dr and she gave her permission to have some.)

The organization BRAVO is trying to help us with a hotel voucher, but because of all the natural disasters, it's hard to find room in charity for people like us, which is fair enough. We aren't immediately on the street, and for that I'm incredibly thankful.

However, if you or anyone you know wish to help you can donate to venmo: kittyzibby. Or you could just signal boost this.

If you can't help, I understand. And IF YOU'RE STRUGGLING FINANCIALLY, don't worry about it, for real.

Right now I'm just scared we'll go into debt before getting the apartment settled in.

I will update on things once our case moves along more, and we were already considering turning to OF sexwork before all of this, so if there could be support that way, maybe we'll get that going once we get moved in. That way, I feel good about providing a service in return.

Thank you so much for sticking with us during all of this. And really- we're doing much better today. We've given each other pep talks, but we are still determined to start our lives together.

Her family was merely trying to scare me away from her, but I got my girl's name tatted on me for a reason.

I know I'm not the bad person here.

Every time Jackie is feeling more gender euphoric, and showing me her changes, and seeing her get more confident, the more I know that what I'm doing with and for her, is right.

I love her so much. And I will never abandon her, like they tried to get me to do.

Jackie is taking a break from some socials, but she's given me permission to talk about what's been happening.

She needs justice too.

I will update as much as I can, but seriously, I think we both just have a fire under our asses now.

Mentally, we're stronger than ever.

Thank you for reading. My heart really goes out to the rest of the queer community that have experienced or are going through similar things.

It's really made me realize why we need to stick together and fight this bigotry bullshit! 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈

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alastorswifey · 4 years ago

Text

the second star to the right

kalim al-asim

female reader

semi angst

peter pan au

.・゜-: ✧ :-　　-: ✧ :-゜・．

“Never say goodbye because goodbye means going away and going away means forgetting.”

“heave-ho!” the loud thump sound made its way to your ears as you jolted awake, scared for what you might witness. was it a burglar? a kidnapper? it made you paranoid how your inner questions were left unanswered as you slowly grabbed a hard-covered book from your night desk to attack the intruder. at the corner of your room, you caught a glimpse of a boy snooping around, as if he was looking for something.

you stayed in bed, waiting for him to do something. if he really was a kidnapper, you would hit him with the book. there wasn’t much to steal here- it was practically a library, so you didn’t mind if he stole anything, really. you started to calm down until his figure crept up to the foot of your bed. oh, this ruffian is really asking for it. you thought to yourself, mentally smirking and applauding his bravery. as soon as you saw his face being illuminated due to your night lamp, you halted.

“ah! you were here!” the boy exclaimed, scurrying away from your bed. you raised a brow, confused. what in god’s name was he looking for that he didn’t deduce that there might be a person in the room? “may i help you?” despite the strange boy dressed in odd clothing literally breaking an entry in your humble abode, you spoke in a polite manner out of habit. the white haired boy looked up, his garnet red eyes pierced through you, causing you to get lost in the shining orbs.

shaking your head, you furrowed your eyebrows and casted a glare towards him, “i asked, may i help you?” you repeated, this time in a more threatening tone. the boy gulped at your sudden change of attitude and stood up straight, clearing his throat, “you don’t know me?” you mentally rolled your eyes. “this is preposterous. i wouldn’t associate myself with someone that would enter people’s bedrooms without permission! you’re basically trespassing!” you scolded the young boy, in spite of the fact that he might be about your age if he were a tad taller.

“mm, i see. you’re one of the few who haven’t heard of me,” the boy deduced proudly. you inwardly sigh, awaiting his excuse of why he was in your bedroom in the first place and how he even got to the top floor without the use of a rope or a ladder. you were, in fact, at least curious to hear how. “my name’s kalim! kalim al-asim. and you?” you frowned and crossed your arms, “y/n. y/n l/n.” you deadpanned. kalim flinched at your uninterested yet stern tone and nervously whistled comically. “aha,” he started, “you see, i’m looking for my shadow! its been escaping my clutches recently and i have trouble finding it.” kalim sighed, scratching the back of his neck at the thought that he could’ve had the wrong house- again.

you were bewildered, to say the least. what a ludicrous story. “i don’t believe you.” you say, pinching the bridge of your nose due to annoyance. kalim bit his lower lip, full of pride. “but i am telling the truth! maybe it’s because you’re a grown up that you don’t get it.” okay, now you were offended. did you look old for your age? must be the eye bags, you thought to yourself but brushed off the offensive statement coming from this boy’s mouth and glared daggers at him. “fine, fine. perhaps you had gotten the wrong address? there are thousands of locations where your ‘shadow’ could be lingering around in london.” you suggested, sarcasm dripping from your voice when you said the word “shadow.”

kalim stared at you for a solid minute before turning his attention to the bookshelf near your door. you raised an eyebrow at the area he was focused on and flinched when he jumped towards your bookshelf, knocking all the pieces of literature down as well as its container. you bit your lip upon the shelf making a loud sound, possibly waking everyone up. “kalim!” you hissed silently as he strangled a black figure. your eyes widened. my word, he was telling the truth... your mouth opened from shock, eyes not believing what they were seeing.

“i told you, miss! my shadow must be here!” kalim stated proudly as he proceeded to continue strangling the strange, black form. you got out of bed and walked up to kalim, staring at the shadow in awe. how peculiar it was, the shadow being separated from its beholder. “how are you gonna put it back on?” you asked kalim, your eyes not removing its glance from the shadow. kalim thought for a moment, “soap?” you broke your gaze and stared at kalim strangely. did anybody teach this boy some logic?

sighing, you motioned kalim to sit on your bed while you look for your sewing kit. you hate to admit it, but your sewing skills weren’t as praised as your sister. they said that she had talent while you had the looks but you weren’t sure how to feel about that. brushing off the negative thoughts, you grabbed kalim’s shadow by the foot and started to sew it beneath kalim’s shoes, which were surprisingly barely dirty. did this guy use new pairs of shoes?

after sewing the shadow back on, you huffed and stood up, admiring your work. kalim grinned from ear to ear and jumped up, which caused him to float a bit in your room. you could not believe this. how is this even possible?! kalim is flying. flying in your very room with no strings attached- literally.

“thank you, miss!” kalim laughed, still flying around your room in joy. you sigh before crawling back to your bed and underneath the warm covers. kalim noticed how you weren’t as happy and flew above you. “what’s wrong, miss?” kalim asked, his eyes gleamed with concern. it has been years since you saw eyes that contained genuine concern for you. “nothing. shouldn’t you be going along your merry way?” you asked, voice muffled to kalim due to the covers. kalim hummed before shaking you and pointing to your knocked over bookshelf. “what about it? are you going to clean it up?” kalim gasped and shook his head, “cleaning is for grown ups! i was going to ask about the books you read!”

you were confused. no one was ever interested in you nor what you read. it felt... refreshing to say the least. you glanced tiredly at the scattered books on your wooden floor and sighed. “do you want me to lend you some? i don’t really mind if we don’t meet again and you never return it.” you let out a sigh as you escape the warmth of your bed and walked to the books, picking up some stories that kalim might find interesting, despite his knowledge that, you believed, didn’t exist. no offense.

“hm, i suppose this book might be to your liking? oh, and this too,” before you knew it, you were carrying a stack of possibly five books and handed it over to kalim. they were all fairytales that you read when you were a child and you only ever read the said books whenever you had nothing else to do. they were short lived entertainment. kalim’s eyes practically sparkled when he saw the covers of the books. they were pretty appealing to the eyes of children- not that kalim was one but he sure acted like a child.

“thank you so much, miss! i’ll read this to the lost boys and return it!” kalim giggled before grabbing them from your arms and flying upwards. “you do know that you can just call me y/n, right? we’re practically the same age.” you stated, trying to get through to kalim. miss was too formal and you weren’t used to it at all. kalim raised an eyebrow, “hm, yes we may be the same age but you act like an adult. you’re too mature, which is why i think its more appropriate if i call you miss!” preposterous. absolutely preposterous. were you that serious? you always were told that you were more mature than your sister.

“that speaks for you as well, though!” you spoke, defensive. you didn’t even know why you were arguing with kalim at this point. it was all child’s play. kalim watched with sparkling orbs as you tried to defend your statement. “how so?” kalim urged, trying to get you to break out of your shell. you flinched. was this boy even thinking straight? “you said we’re the same age, yet you act like a mere six-year-old!” you silently yelled, taking note of your family still asleep. “are you still mature for your age miss? you just uselessly argued with me over an immature topic.” you bit the inside of your cheek before sighing. although, that statement was the most mature thing that came out of kalim’s mouth since the moment he met you. “you should leave.” kalim laughed before nodding, “good night, miss! please continue to believe in me!” and with that being said, kalim hopped outside of your window and flew to god know’s where.

this must be a dream.

the next night, kalim came back (much to your surprise). you hate to admit it but you kind of missed him- despite the fact that he was annoying you last night. he kept his word and returned the next night to bring back the books you lended him. “miss, the lost boys love it!” kalim exclaimed, sitting comfortably on the edge of your bed. you were pretty confused as to who these lost boys were. “okay, tell me: who exactly are the lost boys?” you wanted answers. were they literally lost and kalim takes care of them? kalim blinked a few times before chuckling, “they’re boys who weren’t claimed by their parents,” kalim sighed, running a hand through his hair, “i took them to neverland so they could have a place to stay- i’m practically their parent!” kalim added, as though he was proud.

meanwhile, you were still confused. weren’t children who parents didn’t want sent to the orphanage? how did kalim come across them? surely he wasn’t targeting them from the moment they were born, right? letting out another tired sigh, you stared at kalim, “so, you take care of them?” kalim nodded excitedly, eager to talk more about the lost boys. “yes. but, hmm, they still need a mom,” kalim thought out loud. now you were cautious. was he referring to you? “oh, i got it! you can be the mom!” kalim announced, getting closer to you. you flinched, “what? why?” you asked as kalim giggled, “because you’re mature and you’re a girl, right?” the white haired boy tilted his head to the side. you sighed, “i’m not going to be a mother! we’re both seventeen-years-old! i’m too young!”

“in neverland, you can be whoever you want! you can be older there!” okay, was this guy actually a twenty-year-old in disguise? he’s using that tactic kidnappers use. “no. i’m not going anywhere.” it’s not like you can if you wanted to. you’re bound in this house by your parents. kalim whined like a child, “aw, fine,” he huffed, “how about giving me some more stories?” kalim looked at you with anticipation. you narrowed your gaze and darted your eyes towards the bookshelf that was neatly arranged, unlike the messy state it was in the previous night.

“wait, before that- i want to talk to you about the book i read.” okay, now you were interested. you wanted to see how this kid thought of the fairytales. since all that neverland talk was probably real, he most likely hasn’t had any children’s books. yes, you asked your parents about him and they told you stories. “hm, what about it?” you queried, not looking up from the novel you were reading. it’s not that you didn’t want to come off as rude, it’s just that you hated eye contact when participating in a conversation.

“well, in this one scene, the prince pressed his lips on the princess’ and she came back to life!” kalim explained, making exaggerated hand motions that you didn’t even want to see clearly. oh. oh dear lord. is he gonna ask you what’s a- “so i was thinking to myself, that word is called a ‘kiss’, right? can you show me?” you flinched and closed your book out of shock. this boy cannot be real, can he? how was he raised? “uh, i don’t think it’s appropriate for me to tell you...” you trailed off, voice getting quiet and face flushed from embarrassment. “eh? why not?” kalim whined, tugging on the sleeve of your night gown. “b-because only people who love each other get to k-kiss.” oh for pete’s sake, you scolded yourself. keep it together, y/n. you sound like a high school student being taught how babies were made.

“huh? but i love you, miss!” okay, now you were sure he wasn’t being serious. “no, you don’t. you’re just saying that.” you sighed, gently slapping both of your cheeks to calm them down. “i do! i’ll prove it to you if i liked that kiss!” the way he was throwing the word kiss around made you even more embarrassed. you were considering kissing him on the cheek but that idea was thrown out of the window the more he mentioned the said word.

“fine, i’ll give you a kiss!” you hissed, turning your head away from him. “close your eyes first...” you mumbled, grabbing something from your drawer. kalim’s eyelids had been shut, a small smile playing on his soft looking lips as he waited for the “kiss.” you bit your lower lip and gently poked the pin cushion to his cheeks, face a bright red. “was that it?” kalim piqued up, sounding a little disappointed. he then opened his eyes and saw the pin cushion pressing his cheeks.

“what! miss, that wasn’t a kiss!” he complained. you laughed before withdrawing back your extended arm, “i told you- only people who love each other can kiss!” you explained, face still tinted with a blush. “hm, fine, but i’ll definitely make you love me!”

oh thank god, he finally understands. you let out a sigh of relief, taking his statement light heartedly. “i still want that kiss, miss...” kalim pouted, fiddling with his fingers. you sighed and ran a hand through your hair, pecking him quickly on the lips. wait- you were supposed to kiss him on the cheek only! kalim flinched at the contact and let out a hot breath which fanned your face as you pulled away. “... can you do that again?” kalim whispered, staring at your e/c orbs. his face illuminated by the warm light of the lamp. he was actually pretty tolerable in this state. “n-no, i’’m going to bed-”

kalim hastily grabbed you by the shoulders and kissed you again, but the kiss lasted longer than the last one. you squeezed your eyes shut, not knowing when he would stop as you were desperate for air. your face felt hot as kalim pulled away, a smile on his lips. “good night, miss. continue to believe in me.”

almost every night, kalim would come by your house. on this particular night, however, you needed him. you needed someone to talk to- someone who would listen. kalim immediately noticed how you weren’t your usual self who would playfully punch him or would flare up when he flirted with you. “what’s wrong, miss?” you two were on the roof top this time- you wanted to get away from all the problems for even just a short while and find comfort in the stars.

“nothing.” you said abruptly. you couldn’t tell him, no matter how much you wanted to. kalim noticed your tone. it wasn’t harsh. he decided to let the topic go and give you some more time. oh how considerate he was when it came to you. thats what you love about him. yes, i did say love. you harbored feelings for the magical teenager that trespassed in your bedroom the first time you met him. he had a charm that you longed for and that was how interested he was in what you had to say. he was a friend. a really good friend you never want to let go of nor lose.

“oh, are you thinking about the stars? well, let me tell you about neverland.” ah neverland, another one of kalim’s stories that you’ve been interested in ever since he mentioned it. he only ever told you about what’s inside neverland and the people inhabiting that world. kalim scooted next to you and extended his arm to a very noticeably bigger star. “see that star over there? look at the second one to the right.” kalim stated as you followed to where his finger was pointing towards.

“that one? what about it?” you asked, hugging your blankets closer to you. “that’s where neverland is! it’s pretty near, i can take you there if you want to.” kalim suggested. you wanted to go to neverland with him. maybe if you do, you’ll be able to escape these problems of yours. maybe you don’t have responsibility there. maybe you’ll even have an actual caring family. the thought made you tear up but you quickly wiped the droplets that escaped your eyes.

“i-i can’t go. sorry,” you always refuse his offer and he always smiled and nodded, understanding your decision. but this time he frowned. he didn’t ask why you didn’t want to go and you loved him for that but the look he was giving you right now asked the said question. the pleading look in his eyes, how they were glossy, how they looked like they were about to spill tears at any given moment.

“h-hah... you can tell me, you know? i don’t like seeing you sad.” perhaps it was time you do open up to him. you know a lot about him but he barely knows anything about you other than your age, name, address and your love for books. maybe if you tell him then perhaps things would change. you inhaled the fresh air of london and turned to face kalim (who you noted was inches apart from you). this sudden closeness reminded you of when you two first kissed- you were still pretty embarrassed about that.

“i’m getting married,” you whispered, though kalim heard it crystal clear. “why...? don’t you... love me?” his voice cracked as he went closer to you. yes, you do love him. you love him more than anyone on this miserable planet. you loved him to death. you would do anything to get to be with him as cheesy as it sounds. “i do,” you began, a cloud formed due to you talking, “but it wasn’t my decision.”

your parents were marrying you off to some guy you don’t even know. you’ve never met him. you don’t even know his name! tears rolled down your cheeks as you awaited kalim’s response. the white haired male was stunned and shocked. he didn’t know how to respond. what should he say anyway? god, he should’ve asked the mermaids for help about this sort of thing. “why are you marrying him if you don’t even love him?! that shouldn’t be allowed!” kalim clenched his fists and shook violently both from frustration and sorrow. he can’t lose you. not yet. not ever.

this is why i hate grown ups... kalim thought to himself.

“i don’t want to, kalim. i swear i don’t love him but i have no choice...” kalim gulped and bit his lower lip to prevent himself from crying although it proved to be useless as he felt hot tears stream down his face. you lifted his chin up so you could get one last good look of him. the last day. this is the last day you’ll be seeing each other...

“y/n...” kalim’s voice cracked once again. the way he said your name in such a tone made you cry. you hated this. why must the world be cruel? why did you take his presence and existence for granted? it was the first time kalim ever called you by your name. kalim grabbed your hand and intertwined it with his. “y/n, i don’t have much time,” he whispered, grabbing both of your hands tightly, afraid he will lose you. “w-what do you mean?” you asked, frantic. what nonsense is he spouting now?

“kalim, this isn’t a funny joke. don’t say those kinds of th-”

“it isn’t a joke!” kalim growled but immediately looked up and softened his expression. “i’m-i’m going to disappear, y/n.” you flinched at this claim. how? is this why he always said to believe in him every time he leaves for neverland? you always believed in him? did you not try hard enough? “why? i always believed in you...” you said in a soft tone, not taking your eyes off of his red orbs.

“you did great but... apparently not everyone does. i’m just someone who was made because people created stories about me. i’m not actually a person, y/n. that’s why my life depends on people’s belief in me.” he explained, his figure slowly dissipating into nothing. more tears streamed down your face. “n-no...” you whispered.

“but hey, listen to me,” kalim started, a smile still playing on his lips as if to reassure you and to stop you from crying. you were attentive. you’re never going to forget how this boy had become your one and only friend. “remember the second star to the right. remember it with all your heart. if you do, something good will be brought upon you, i promise.” you bit your lips, closing your eyes shut. you couldn’t take this anymore.

“good night, miss. continue to believe in me.” kalim whispered, the feeling of his lips connecting to yours once more. it was a bittersweet kiss you longed for. you didn’t want it to end and before you knew it, the feeling of warmth disappeared from your lips and felt as if a part of something was taken from you.

he’s gone. the only person who made me feel alive and wanted... is gone.

“heave-ho!” you flinched at the voice. what on earth? were you hallucinating? “kalim, was that you?” you asked the white haired male as you nudged him. kalim looked up at you, “hm? oh, yeah it was me! i heard it from a dream, didn’t really think it would surprise you.” he stated as you continued to snuggle in his arms. warm. you thought to yourself.

“why did you dream of that old phrase/ i haven’t heard it since i was a child,” you chuckled and closed your eyes, feeling drowsy. the moon illuminated the outlines of your face that kalim took his sweet time to admire. he missed you. th moment he saw you enter night raven college. he felt a familiar feeling in his chest.

“good night, miss. continue to believe in me.”

.・゜-: ✧ :-　　-: ✧ :-゜・．

a/n: sobbing dhmu. im crying bc of my own fic FUCK

#kalim al asim x reader #kalim al asim #twisted wonderland kalim al asim #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #kalim x reader #x reader #twst imagines #twst kalim al asim #twst angst #twst fanfic #twst #female reader #angst #peter pan au #peter pan #HAPPY ANGST

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bittywitches · 4 years ago

Text

3. “It’s three in the morning.”

38: “You’ve thought about this, haven’t you?”

42: “I’m only here to establish an alibi.”

44: “I still remember the way you taste.”

Thank you to @reidscriminal and the lovely anon for requesting this :) (It got a bit long (~3.5k) so I thought I’d make a separate post lol)

WARNINGS: Alcohol addiction, Murder mention (sorry this got intense)

“Please, I really dont wanna be alone right now.”

“Y/N, it’s three in the morning. Go the fuck to bed.”

Grayson’s groggy, scratchy voice was the only sound that could be heard in his pitch black bedroom, the only source of light being the luminescent beams coming from the cellphone that he held pressed to his ear. Half of his face was still smushed into the cold surface of his pillow, no doubt a pool of drool probably printed onto it. His phone dangled loosely in his hand’s grip, it basically balancing on his left ear. Grayson had yet to gain full consciousness, only aware that he was currently speaking to his best friend, and for some reason she wasn’t asleep.

“Cmon, I can’t trust myself to be alone right now. Plus, when’s the last time we hung out together, hm? Don’t you miss me?” Her purr over the line was enough to finally wake him up, getting him to sit up and lean back against his headboard before stretching an arm over his head.

“‘Course I miss you. Doesn’t mean I wanna hear your dumb voice in the middle of the night.”

“Hurt. I’m hurt.” She moaned, and Grayson rolled his eyes. “Come oooon, Gray. We’ll have fun, I promise.”

It was the suggestiveness in her voice that finally tipped him off to what was going on. “are you drunk?”

“Hah!” She snorted, then guffawed, which then diminished to a few chortles and chuckles. “Okay maybe a little. But I have a valid reason!”

“And is it better than ‘we happened to have some left over bottles’?”

“Yes!! It is. And I’ll only tell you what it is once you come overrrr.” She almost whined like a little girl.

Grayson groaned. “Y/N, you know that I-“

“Hate it when I drink, I know.” Her voice actually sounded a bit pained, and Grayson almost felt bad for bringing it up. “I’m sorry, Okay? I wasn’t thinking straight, like usual. Now please come over?”

Grayson hesitated, letting the silence of his room fill his head while he sat in thought.

“Pretty please?”

Her small voice echoed through his phone, and never in a million years would he ever admit how much it made his heart ache.

He groaned. “God, fine. I’ll be over in a half hour.”

“Fifteen minutes.”

“I thought I was doing you the favour.”

“You are, but you love me. Shit, bring your wacko vegan pasta. We’ll have a slumber party.”

“Fucking Christ you are the worst-“ but then she hung up on him.

Despite his frustration, Grayson still made it to her door 15 minutes later, tired, confused, and a little out of breath. As soon as it opened to reveal Y/N’s face, however, all remaining signs of those feelings disappeared; because the only thing he could think of now was how terrible his best friend looked.

Typically speaking, she didn’t look that bad, considering how late it was and how drunk she probably was. But it wasn’t her messed up hair or her glazed over eyes, the stains on her old pyjama shirt or the mess of blankets and turned over bottles laid sporadically over the coffee table. No, it was just her. The feeling he got from her. The look in her eye that wasn’t filled with their usual temperamental spark; it seemed hollow, missing, a dark crevice missing it’s light. It worried him.

“You know, this is technically a booty call.” She grinned, her usual tenacity seeming to resurface as she grabbed the bag that was in Grayson’s arms. “Yknow, without the boning down.” She raised her eyebrow. “Although that could be arranged-”

“God just stop talking would you.” Grayson’s face burned as he walked past her, her laughs filling the room as he threw his shoes in the general area of the shoe rack.

“What’s going on?” Grayson finally asked as she closed the door behind him.

“Nothin’. Slumber party, remember?” Her hunched over shoulders turned back toward him, and the way her face seemed so sunken and desperate while her eyes tried to tell a different story- It scared the shit out of him.

“‘Mgonna make pasta.” Y/N announced to what seemed to be herself, dumping the bag’s contents out onto the kitchen counter before grabbing the pasta box.

“Alright…” Grayson was used to these types of nights. They tended to happen once or twice every few months, usually after a night of partying where Y/N got just a little too intense, or during a rather stressful week where she just wasn’t able to pace herself. Yes, it was obvious that Y/N wasn’t the greatest when it came to coping. She didn’t like to feel, or think either to be quiet honest. She liked that dull haze, that numbness she felt where she could just go about everything without feeling everything.

And yes, Grayson hated it when she did this. He despised it, really. But he’d known her for so long, and she’d been like this for longer. He didn’t know what to do other than just be there when she asked for him. And usually it was fine, although she could be handful. Y/N seemed to double on her energy whenever she drank, so it would take him some time to wear her out. But once he did, it was smooth-sailing. This time however, it was so different. She wasn’t being her usual hectic self. She looked tired, but that itself wasn’t enough to describe it. For some reason the word that kept coming back to him was expired. She looked like she was about to expire. She’d found her limit, her pushing point, her finish line. She was done, she was finished.

Grayson was scared to see what would happen when she was finished.

The pot fell out Y/N’s hands and fell into the sink, getting a “shit” out of her and a jolt from Grayson.

“Jesus, give it here.” He finally trudged towards her, pushing her away from the sink, then reached into it to grab the pot and fill it with water.

“Are you gonna tell me what happened?”

She sighed, leaning her back against the counter and watching as the water rose in the cool metal. “Joanna broke up with me.”

Grayson’s head whipped over his shoulder to look at her, his eyes widening at the words. “Oh.”

She smiled, though her eyes didn’t leave the tap. “Yeah. she actually broke up with me yesterday, at lunch.”

“Wha- Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I knew you’d wanna jump on this as soon as you found out.”

“Christ Y/N, I-”

She waved away at him, shaking her head. “No I understand, I am a hot piece of ass. But you need to control yourself, I need a cool down period-”

“Y/N!”

She sighed, then shrugged. “Because I knew you’d say I told you so.”

Grayson scoffed. “Y/N-”

“Come on, I know how much you hate her! You kept saying that she was going to.”

“Well I mean come on with how on-and-off you guys were- and besides this is probably just another one of your ‘breaks’. She’ll be calling you again any day now-”

“No.” Her voice was dark now, dropping all the flirty undertones in her voice, and Grayson had to look away from the now boiling pot of pasta at her face when she said it. “No. it was real this time.”

“How do you know?”

She reached into her pyjama pant pocket and brought her phone out, turning it on and unlocking it to show the screen that she’d obviously been looking at before since it was still open. She turned her phone to show him.

It was Joanna’s instagram story, and it was a picture of her at a party, making out with some red-headed girl.

Grayson only knew one read-head.

“Wait, is that-”

“That bitch I accused her of cheating on me with?” The sudden power in her voice startled him. “Yep. Turns out I was right all along, and wasn’t just being paranoid.”

He was at a loss for words. “Y/N… I’m so sorry.”

“Like hell you are.”

“I am.”

“Shut up.” She sighed, jumping up to sit on the counter. “I know for a fact you feel like gloating right now. And I don’t blame you.”

In reality, Grayson really didn’t. Sure, he was glad that Joanna was gone. He knew she was never good for Y/N. But he hated how she’d left her. This broken shell that was supposed to hold the girl he loved with all his heart but for some reason appeared to just be some sort of apparition instead.

She put her head in her hands. “Yea, I really don’t blame you. God, that BITCH!” She yelled that last part, and threw a spoon she had at some point grabbed into the sink, it hitting the faucet and causing a huge clang sound that continued to ring seconds afterwards.

“Jesus Christ Y/N calm down.” Grayson went to her, grabbing her arms firmly into his fists to steady her, because he could see her nostrils flaring.

“What is there to be calm about? God I fucking hate her! I just wanna- I don’t know, smash her head against-” She stopped, her eyes widening before she let out an almost maniacal laugh. “Oh my god. I want to smash her head against that stupid lamp that asshole red-head Quinn got her for her birthday. That fucking lamp she keeps on her bedside table right next to the photo of the two of us- oh my GOD that fucking BITCH-”

“Y/N?” Grayson’s voice was small. “Maybe you should-”

“I’m going to kill her. I’m literally going to kill her. I’m going go down to her apartment, that dumbass forget to ask for her key, and I’m gonna take that damn lamp’s chord and strangle her in her SLEEP-”

“Y/N!” Grayson’s hands came up to grip her face; his eyes frantic as they flickered between her seething ones. “You’ve got to breathe. You’re raving like a maniac! You're talking like you’ve actually thought about how you’re gonna-” He looked at her eyes once more, and his arms fell limp next to her on the counter.

“Oh dear god, you’ve thought about this, haven't you?” When she didn’t reply, his hand came up to rub his face. “Y/N tell me you haven’t thought about how you’re going to kill Joanna.”

“Hey, come on!” She threw her hands in the air. “It’s my right as the crazy bitch ex-girlfriend.” She began to laugh.

“Oh my god-” He spun around, rubbing his hair up his scalp and resting his hands on the back of his neck.

“Oh come on I’m not gonna do anything. You just have to let me be crazy for a little bit.”

“Who the fuck is being this loud this early?” The both of them looked over to see Y/N’s roommate walking into the living room.

“Sorry Tam.” Y/N mumbled, and her eyes widened when she saw her roommate’s eyes go to the coffee table.

“Oh Y/N not again-”

“I’ll clean it up I promise please don’t get mad.” She rushed, jumping off the counter and rushing to the sofa, starting to messily pick up glasses and snack bags.

Tam sighed. “Babe you know I don’t care about the mess, I care about you-” She paused when she saw Grayson awkwardly standing in the kitchen, and she groaned. “And what is Spartacus doing here?”

“Don’t mind me, I’m only here to establish an alibi. You know, in case Joanna’s found dead in her bathtub tomorrow morning.”

“Ah. so she told you.”

“Yep.”

“Yeah, and she is doing just fine so you can go back to sleep, so sorry for waking you-” Y/N shuffled passed her, chucking a whole armful of trash into the garbage bin and some dirty dishes into the sink, a loud clang following.

Tam winced. “Hon your breath stinks-”

“Tam I know, okay?” Her voice cracked a bit there, that similar pain Grayson had heard on the phone returning to her voice. “I fucking know. It won’t happen again. You can go sleep.”

Tam raised her eyebrows, then looked at Grayson, and he just nodded at her, letting her know that he’d take care of her.

“Alright. Goodnight.”

“Gnight.”

“Gnight Gray.”

He smiled at her, and she disappeared into her room, her door shutting closed behind her.

As soon as Y/N heard that click, her hot tears began to stream down her cheeks, a stifled sob coming out.

Grayson’s head shot towards her. “Y/N-”

He immediately went and wrapped his arms around her, her sobs getting muffled in his shirt. He stroked her back and she gripped his shoulders, trying to calm herself.

“God I hate her. I hate her so fucking much.”

“Hey, hey, It’s okay.” He pushed her back a bit to look at her, and it pained him so much to see her look the way she did. “Okay, how about you go sit on the couch and watch something on the TV while I finish this pasta, hm?”

She sniffled. “‘Kay.”

“Okay.” She shuffled back towards the couch, plopping herself down and draping the covers over her before turning the TV on and putting on an episode of Friends.

Grayson sighed, turning back to the stove. He worked mindlessly, listening to the fake laugh track coming from the TV as he did, but really thinking about Y/N. He kept glancing over at her, and it really astonished him just how shit she looked. She looked awful. Her eyes were puffy and her hair was in knots and tangles and she now had Tostito crumbs peppered all across her blanket and chest. God she was doing so bad Grayson felt bad that Tam had to deal with her. And how angry he was at her for dealing with everything like this; he knew she was going through a rough time, but it killed him, maddened him every time he had to see her with those hazy eyes.

In a messed up way, right now, looking at her, Grayson was fairly sure that he hated her. He hated her so much that it pained him because she wouldn’t listen. For some reason Y/N wanted this terrible girl that was nothing but bad news for her. For some reason she kept going back to her despite all the shit she put her through. Y/N was stubborn and she was stupid and she was selfish and yet here he was, standing in her kitchen, making her his stupid vegan pasta.

Why?

He sighed. Because for some reason only god knows, I still love her.

And that was when it clicked.

He turned around to look at her again, and his eyes finally softened for the first time that night.

They were one and the same, weren’t they?

***

Grayson sat next to Y/N, her feet thrown over his lap, her empty bowl of pasta sat atop the coffee table dangerously close to the edge. She had been lying there silently for a bit, her eyes closed and her arms folded on top of her chest.

Grayson had been sitting their, stewing in his thoughts for a bit while he absentmindedly rubbed Y/N’s leg. He’d been thinking about her, about him, about him and her together and all of the fucked up feelings that were stuck in between.

But he was mainly thinking about a certain night from a few months ago. A night similar to this one, yet had ended much differently, and had possible changed the way he would think about Y/N for the rest of forever. And there was just one question that kept arising in his head, in his chest, but mainly in his heart, that he just needed to know the answer to.

“Hey, Y/N?”

“Mm?” He was surprised. She wasn’t asleep.

“You know that I have feelings for you, right?”

The abruptness of the question startled Y/N, making her look up at him with her eyes wide. “What?”

But he continued on as if what he’d said wasn’t any weirder than asking what she’d eaten that afternoon. “I’m only asking because it’s not like I ever try and hide it. And yknow, you’re always teasing me with your flirting.”

To him it looked like there was a buffer in Y/N’s brain, because it took her a second before she could say anything. “Yea. Yea, I do know.”

“Right.” He inhaled. “Do you remember what happened June 27th?”

Her eyebrow quirked up now. “Uh…”

“That time you and Joanna went on a break because she got sick of the smell of your shampoo. And you got drunk. And I came over.”

Her eyes widened. She did remember. She remembered so well. “Why?”

“Do you remember how you were flirting with me that day?”

A lump was forming in Y/N’s throat. Yes she remembered. She just decided she wasn’t going to care about it. “Yes. I do. But-”

“Yeah I know you do that all the time but-”

“Grayson I remember. I kissed you that night.”

His eyes widened now, his head turning to hers. “You- you remember that?”

“Grayson, I still remember the way you taste.”

His face flushed. “Why the fuck are you like this.”

“Wha-” She furrowed her eyebrows. “No, I’m not- I’m not trying to joke around this time. I’m trying to say yes I remember that night. Incredibly vividly.”

He blinked at her. “Then why did you do it?”

“I-” She caught herself, and she laid back, hands on her forehead. “I don’t know, Gray.”

“What do you mean? I mean, do you like me? Is it like-”

“Of course I like you Grayson-”

“No like do- do you have feelings for me?”

“I-” She sat up, bringing her knees up to her chest, and looking at him intently. “Gray, I love you. You know that. And you just-” She exhaled. “You feel good. You feel safe. You feel like- You feel like home.”

He tilted his head at her. He didn’t understand.

She sighed. “Look, I know I’m not the most, I guess you could say ‘stable’ person. I’m reckless and I’m stupid and- if you hadn’t stopped me that day I probably would’ve ended up fucking you.” Gray’s face flushed again. “But that doesn’t mean that I- God, I was just emotional, and drunk, and, quite frankly I was feeling like I am right now. I feel lost and scared and stupid and you’re like, my anchor. You hold me in place. Things turn to shit and I fuck myself over but you’re still always here, and I don’t fucking know why.” There was a sob beginning to prickle within her throat. “I don’t know why you put up with me and my shit because all I do is hurt you and honestly if I was actually a good friend I’d tell you to drop me. Leave me and let me be self-destructive on my own. I don’t need to drag you down with me. But- but-” Her voice hitched. “But you stay, and you help me, and you rebuild me, and it makes me love you more and more but then I just go and fuck it all up again and I-”

“You stupid emotional drunk.” Grayson mumbled, wrapping his arms her. She trembled, but she wouldn’t cry. She wouldn’t let herself. She felt like she owed him that much.

“I’m so sorry.”

“It’s…” He paused. “It’s okay.”

He sighed, and she breathed out into his shoulder. “I’m not gonna drop you.” He finally said. “You just scare me sometimes.”

She nodded. “I know.”

She leaned back so she could look at him again. “I do love you. I love you so much.”

Grayson smiled. “I know.”

“I think I just love you in a way I’ve never loved anybody else before. And my brain just doesn’t know what to do with that.”

“You don’t have to explain it to me.”

“But you’re not getting it I-”

“Y/N.”

“Wouldn’t your life just be better without me fucking it up?”

“You don’t fuck it up.”

“That’s the biggest lie of the century.”

“You fuck yourself up, and I hate that you do that.”

The pained expression. “I know.”

“But I stick around because I believe that you’ll stop.” He looked at her, and he realized that, maybe his love for her was something his brain couldn’t understand too. “I believe you’ll get better.”

She nodded. “I will.” She took his hand. “I mean it this time.”

He squeezed hers. “I know.”

“How?”

He looked at how her eyes glistened now, how they seemed to shine differently, more meaningfully. Like they were determined. Hopeful. Cleansed and new.

He smiled. “I just do.”

#grayson dolan #dolan twins #grayson dolan concept #grayson dolan blurb #grayson dolan imagine #dolan twins concept #dolan twins blurb #dolan twins imagine #grayson dolan x reader #grayson dolan fanfic

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kitsuneudon743 · 5 years ago

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DamiRae week 2020 Day 3: Last Time/First Time

So I changed this idea a little bit, instead of their “first kiss/last kiss” I wrote their last moments together in New 52 and their first moments together in Rebirth. I hope everyone likes it!

Year 2022

Raven had lived on the coast of San Francisco for a good half of her nineteen years in this world, and never once had she experienced the bone chilling silence that was surrounding Titan’s Tower, until now. No calming sea breeze, no gulls calling out, no distant beeping of traffic. There was just...nothing. It was like the whole world had been put on pause while they were on Apokolips and someone had forgotten to press play when they returned.

Perhaps something had gone wrong while they were passing through the portal back to Earth and they had actually died or got stuck in some sort of void.

Her heart gave a heavy thud against her chest and she stopped pacing, which she hadn’t really realized she was doing until she halted. Her mind was too distracted; too busy worrying about Damian and the others and whether or not they would make it back from the Himalaya’s alright, or if they had even reached the Himalaya’s at all.

“Raven,”

Cold metal touched Raven’s arm causing her to jump in her spot. She turned quickly to see what she had felt and readied herself in case she needed to defend herself. Her mind was still a bit of a mess from their earlier escapades and was having a hard time to calm itself. Luckily it was Diana who stood there, her cyborg form only confusing Raven for a moment.

For the first time since they had arrived back to Titans Tower, Raven finally took a look around her, noticing the others who had come back as well. She had been so shell-shocked that she hadn’t noticed Martian Manhunter and Hawkman sitting together, almost lifelessly on the grass or Berry Allen with his back against a small cliff. She hadn’t noticed Mera sitting closer to the shore, tears streaming down her cheeks as she looked out at the water. She hadn’t noticed Kory, dear sweet Kory sitting by herself, her one remaining eye hollowly looking ahead of her, or maybe looking nowhere. She hadn’t noticed anything.

“They’ll be okay. Why don’t you sit down?” Diana spoke softly while motioning to a large rock that sat a few feet away. Raven looked at it for a second before turning back to the brunette, their eyes meeting.

She knew she was just worrying, just paranoid from her past experiences. They hadn’t been gone all that long, it might do her good to sit and rest.

Raven nodded but before either of them could move, a large golden portal opened beside them and Titus jumped out and ran into the grass. Spinning around, he watched as a group of people followed him out; Damian, Clark and Bruce assisting a very restrained and shaken Dick Grayson, and Constantine bringing up the rear. He closed the portal once they were all through.

Raven felt an enormous wave of relief wash over her as her eyes rested on Damian who was stroking Titus’ head. When Darkseid had killed him in front of her...well...she had been injured many times before in her life, but that amount of pain, she would never wish it on anybody.

“Easy,” Clark mumbled as he and Bruce brought Dick over to Kory. Her metal body twisted around to see them. The only amount of face she had left fell with heartbreak upon seeing her lover being brought to her in restraints. Marriage. Children. Any life together that they had hoped for was impossible now, and Raven felt every bit of Kory’s suffering. She wanted to hold Damian now more than ever.

Clark and Bruce stopped just before they reached the Tamaranean cyborg, allowing Dick to see her before they came too close. At first, he didn’t seem to notice her but instead thrashed his head around and groaned. Perhaps the waters of the Lazarus pits had done too much damage.

“Dick, open your eyes.” Bruce commanded sternly. Dick, whose eyes had been closed as he thrashed about, stopped and looked forward. His exposed amber eye widened and he stared at Kory’s emerald one, tears streaming down her tangerine cheek.

Damian walked over to Raven and Diana as they watched the interaction between the two former partners, his arm snaking around Raven’s waist and pulling her into him. She gladly lent into him, her heart still hurting for her friends. Titus walked past them and trotted straight over to Mera, who had not even bothered to look up and instead had begun to cry softly into her hands.

Raven’s heart broke even more. Everyone had lost in this war, but she had been able to keep the one she loved, she could still hold him and hear his voice. Even though they hadn’t been together long, he had always been there, she had always loved him. It would have killed her if he had died, but he didn’t, and here they were. A strange sense of guilt snaked through her veins.

“K-Kory...”Dick managed to mumble, his speech slightly slurred. What little was left of Kory’s face scrunched up in happiness and she held both of her metal arms out, more and more tears falling from her eye.

The two Justice League members let go of the former acrobat and let him fall forward into Kory’s arms. She cradled him, her one eye showing more emotion that Raven had ever seen from her entire face.

Bruce and Clark walked over to Raven and the others, Clark nodding at Diana before the two of them headed towards Constantine and Berry. Bruce stopped only for a moment to look down at his son. His face was unreadable, as always, but he raised his hand and placed on Damian’s shoulder, as if telling him it would be alright. Then, without hesitation he dropped his hand and continued after the other two.

Damian held Raven for a moment before leading her to the rock Diana had pointed out earlier and sitting down on it. Raven sat as well, finally realizing just how tired her legs had been. She leaned into him.

“What now? She said in an exhausted whisper. Damian sighed deeply.

“I don’t know.”

There were very few times when the former assassin “didn’t know” something, it should have scared Raven. But it didn’t; what she had been feeling for the past two years, that was fear. The uncertainty of the future, it didn’t matter. Not as long as she was with Damian, and he was with her.

She snuggled into his chest and the feeling of his ribcage rising and falling with each breathe he took soothed her.

It had been so long that she had wanted this, so long since she had craved his touch. She had known she was in love with him since she was fourteen years old and she had seen the inside of his heart and mind, knowing he was a truly beautiful but damaged person, like her. Her fear of rejection and of her father kept her from doing anything about it however, and for years she had just suffered through it.

She loved him with every fiber of her being; it had killed her when she told him that she wouldn’t go with him to the Himalaya’s, it had killed her to say goodbye. Not a day while living with Clark and Lois went by that she didn’t wonder if she had made the right choice. Not a day went by without her wishing she had gotten the chance to tell him.

And now here they were.

Finally together, but with nothing else.

“I’m glad that you came with us.” Raven confessed after a moment of silence. “I was afraid I was never going to see you again.”

Damian leaned his head to the side, resting his chin on the top of her head. “I was almost certain we wouldn’t.”

Raven tried to swallow but her mouth was dry. “Did you ever think about me...in the mountains?”

Pushing her slightly off of him so that he could look down at her, Damian frowned.

“Raven, not a day went by where I didn’t think about you. Wondering if you were alright, hating myself for not being there to protect you.”

“You?” Raven jeered with a slight smirk and the raise of an eyebrow. “Protect me?”

Damian made a face, but Raven knew he was suppressing a smile. He always tried to.

“Well...for not being there for backup if you ever needed it.” His face softened. “I wish I had had the courage to tell you about my feelings years ago.”

Raven’s bottom lip quivered as she felt herself relax into him. “Me too.”

The sound of something ripping across the water caught both teens attention and they looked forward to see something red shooting off into the distance.

Damian went tense and Raven’s heart fell. She knew exactly what that red thing was, and she knew what was going on. She supposed they all did.

A reset.

They were sending Berry back in time, to stop this from happening. It had been done before, so they knew it could work, and probably assumed this was their best option. But it hurt nonetheless.

Damian’s grip tightened on Raven’s side, and she could hear him inhale. He was thinking the same thing she was; there time together was being cut short. Perhaps their lives were meant to be tragic ones.

Just as Dick and Kory, Clark and Lois, Mera and Arthur and so many others...they were not destined for a happy ending. No starting and family and growing old together. No years of laughing and arguments and happiness.

Not this time.

As the horizon began to shine brightly and a bright fog rolled towards them, Raven looked at her teammate, significant other, friend. Damian moved with her, like they were magnets, his eyes staring through the whites of his mask. Raven’s own eyes searched his face. She knew what she wanted, what he wanted. And if they did not act now, then they might never get the chance.

Leaning forward, Raven placed her hand on his cheek, the slight sharp poke indicating that stubble was beginning to break through the skin. Without hesitation, Damian leaned forward and captured her lips quickly, giving her no time to be shy. She closed her eyes.

He was rough, hungry, like he had waited his entire life to kiss her.

God this felt good. Why did it have to be their last? How cruel destiny was.

As her skin began to feel tingly, she wrapped her arms around his neck, leaning her lips away and resting her forehead against his. Tears ran down her face, both from happiness and defeat.

She loved this boy more than anyone she had ever met. He was her home, and by the will of every God there was...she would meet him again.

“I love you, Raven.” He said, his voice beginning to echo. But despite the echo, there was no mistaking the slight quiver to his tone.

“I love you, Damian Wayne.” She knew her next words were going to be futile, but she needed to hear the words. She needed something in this final moment together to be promising. “Remember me.”

“I pro-“

Everything went white.

Year 2016

“Come on, you were excited about joining the Teen Titans until like...ten minutes ago. What happened?” Dick questioned, taking one hand off the wheel to slap Damian on the thigh. Damian swatted at his arm, his young face scrunching in annoyance.

“Would you keep your hands on the wheel! I knew I should have driven myself.”

“The last time I checked, thirteen was not old enough to drive in the State of California.” Dick placed his hand back on the wheel and smiled, his blue eyes never once staying from the winding costal road ahead of them.

“That hardly matters; I’m a better driver than half the population of this inept country. And I didn’t change my mind! I just...”he trailed off, turning to look out of the window while he thought. Dick waited for a moment for him to continue, but he didn’t.

“You know you can always come home for visits.” The older man teased with a chuckle. “And hey! In only three years, Jon might decide to join you!”

Damian rolled his eyes. “You think I care if that alien half-breed joins this pointless team or not?”

“Bruce told me you guys have gotten close, which is great considering a kid your age should have friends.”

“I don’t need anybody.” Damian spat, but his attention was caught by the large T shaped tower that was just peaking from behind the seaside cliffs. He had heard about the Titans Tower before, but never had seen it. It was one thing he was actually looking forward to. Not that he was completely uninterested in joining the Titan’s, he liked that he was going to finally be a part of something with a title, something different than being his father’s sidekick. It was just the teammate aspect of it that was making him weary.

Teammates were a liability and he already had enough “friends”. He didn’t need any more.

“Well,” Dick said with a sigh. “We’re basically here already, so you’re staying whether you like it or not.”

As they got closer and closer, Damian could see just how big it was. The things his father threw his money towards never ceased to amaze him.

Waiting by the front doors of the tower was a large, beautiful woman. Well...alien woman, but Damain was used to those enough now to just call them women. She had bright green eyes with no pupils and orange skin, which was different to say the least. But other than that, she looked quite gorgeous, what with her long fiery hair dancing behind her in the wind.

Beside her, was a dark skinned boy, dressed casually in jeans and a yellow sweater; the sweater bearing a large yellow lightning bolt, indicating that he was a speedster. Kid Flash.

Next was a shorter boy with green hair, green skin, green eyes and...well ...a green t-shirt. His large toothy grin showed off four distinct fangs. Damian had heard of him and could easily say that he was least excited to meet him; Beast Boy.

The last was a girl; pretty features that were hidden away behind a large, blue cloak. Again, he had heard about this one through whispers from League members. She was dangerous, unstable. A witch who had the power to destroy the entire world if she so desired. At least she could be interesting.

Dick pulled the car up to the greeting committee and clicked open his seatbelt.

“Just remember. They are your friends Damian. Not targets.” He laughed, causing Damian to huff and unbuckle himself, quickly getting out of the car. Dick followed suit.

“Richard.” The alien, known as Koriand’r, or Kory for short chimed at the older Robin. “How nice to see you again.”

Dick waved as he and Damian walked over to them. “It has been a while. Sorry I can’t stay to catch up; I have a dinner with Barbara’s folks tonight. So, I’m just dropping this one off and heading out.”

He patted the top of Damian’s head.

Kory smiled and shook her head. “Of course. Next time we need to make certain we do catch up.” She turned to the younger boy. “You must be Damian. I’m Koriand’r, leader of the Teen Titans.”

“I know who you are.” Damian said with a nod, but Dick nudged him roughly. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“And I’m Garfield!” the green boy said excitedly, rushing over to Damian and grabbing his hand to shake violently. Damian was too shocked by his sudden movements to react and he merely stared at him. “I can turn into just about any animal you can think of! Which is to-ta-lly awesome!”

Quickly, he began to morph into animal after animal, some bigger some smaller. Damian and Dick jumped back a step in fear that one of the larger ones would step on them. Wally sighed, and in a blink appeared beside Garfield who was now a cat, quickly grabbing the scruff of his neck and picking him up, holding him in the air. The changeling laughed.

“You get used to it, don’t worry.” Wally muttered towards Damian, his tone as annoyed as Damian felt. “I’m Wally West.”

He held out his hand for Damian to shake, which he surprisingly accepted.

Damian’s green eyes shifted to the hooded girl who was walking over to them, her face cast in shadows. Something about her intrigued him as she got closer, the way she moved perhaps, almost seeming to ghost along the ground.

When she reached them she reached up and took her hood off, allowing her face to be fully visible for the first time.

Damian blinked.

She was beautiful, in a dark, mysterious sort of way; pale skin, violet purple eyes, beautiful features almost too perfect to be human. But then again, he supposed she wasn’t. Not fully at least.

But what captured him the most about her was the strange sense of familiarity he felt towards her. It was like he had seen her before, but he hadn’t. Maybe he had seen her records in the batcave. He did often snoop out of his own curiosity whenever Bruce would leave him home alone.

She smiled at him, her violet eyes looking at him in a strange way. Almost as though she were thinking the same thing, that he looked familiar.

“Hey,” she greeted him. “I’m Raven. It’s probably best if you just...ignore him.” She nodded towards the cat. Garfield snapped at her for the jest and sprung back into a human. Raven’s face pulled into a smile and she giggled quietly, covering her mouth with her hand.

Damian’s world froze for a split second, strange clips of distant memories that he could barely peace together flashing through his mind. Like remnants from his subconscious.

Maybe the journey from Gotham had taken more out of him than he had thought.

“I was planning on it.” Damian said back sternly, but Raven cast her content smile at him, catching his attempt at being not hostile.

Maybe joining the Titans wouldn’t be as bad as he thought it would. Maybe one day he would consider them his friends.

The possibilities for the future were endless.

#damirae #demonbirds #damian wayne #raven #teen titans #batman #damirae week 2020 #robin

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imaginesbymk · 4 years ago

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True Paranormal Story

HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYONE!!!

as the last day of october aka halloween, i thought i’d share my short story of something paranormal that happened in two houses i’ve lived in. never going back to that mf <3 these are multiple stories.

tags for mutuals who wanna have a good scare: @myriadimagines @fangirlsarah16 @book-boys-are-my-guilty-pleasure @lotsoffandomimagines @johnnyshellby @murswrites @peakyswritings @emcon-imagines @randomfandomimagine @locke-writes @moonlit-imagines @irishwhiskeys @youswear-tolisten @kaetastic @karasong @spacetalbot @writeroutoftime @cactiem @smallheathgangsters @swanimagines @champagneholland (sorry if i forgot anyone!!)

tags: paranormal obvs, not forcing anyone to read if they get scared!

MY FAMILY and I lived in townhouses our whole lives. But these two houses we lived in really questioned my whole perspective on the laws of reality and the paranormal. This one townhouse we lived in was comfortable enough. I just hated the fact that the closet in my room had a door on the ceiling to the attic. Every time we watched a scary movie, my two older half sisters would tease me saying that the ghost or demon from the movie we watched was gonna come outta the attic door and get me from my bed.

“You’re sleeping by yourself tonight, Kate?”

“Can’t we just grab blankets and sleep in the living room? That’s way more fun.”

“Why? Bathsheba wants to say wassup!” (Bathsheba from The Conjuring)

I always faked it until I made it- which meant I pretend I’m not scared of ghosts and demons until I’m actually not scared of them. Deep down, I was scared shitless, yet I continue watching scary movies and arming myself with my security blanket.

This one night it was only me, my dad and my sister alone at home. It was in the summer and I got the hottest room in the house, so my blanket was thin and I had the fan on.

I was about to drift off until I notice how my bedroom door was open. I knew because the hallway light was shining through, and my dad always kept it on ‘cause he’s always forgetful. I always kept the door closed.

Then I started to notice it moving back and forth just ever so slightly. If pressure applies to the carpet floor near my door when its open, it starts to move. Right away I assumed it was my Dad checking on me or my sister trying to prank me.

I shut my eyes and waited. Nothing. I looked over and saw that the door wasn’t swaying, the light was still on and no one was there.

I laid there, just waiting for someone to show up at the door so I can feel better. But nothing happened.

Now that I was awake, I was starting to feel a bit paranoid; maybe it was just house noises and the house floor did a thing that caused the door the move, maybe it was actually my Dad or sister walking around and tiptoed so they wouldn’t wake me up.

Then I stared at my closet. What were the odds that something from the attic in my closet made the door move on its own? It’s stupid. Its 11pm, its hot, and all I wanted to do was sleep so I could enjoy my summer the next day going swimming at my rich cousin’s pool.

Like I mentioned my blanket was thin, so I kinda covered myself with it even though I knew it was going to get hot. I did the thing of faking it until you make it, that I wasn’t scared of anything. But you guessed it, I was scared. I was starting to feel anxious, that I wasn’t alone in my room.

Then, straight out of a horror film, I felt my legs being pulled to the edge of my bed.

It was with both legs, and at that time I was tall enough that my legs were long enough to reach the end.

I didn’t scream, I kinda let out a yelp like when you walk on the ledge of a curb and trip or lose your balance. I tucked my legs in and threw the blanket off my head... and saw nothing at the end of my bed.

I know how it sounds, but I felt a pair of hands grabbing me by my ankles when I got pulled. I thought it was my Dad getting my attention to scold me for not sleeping, but he wouldn’t even do that, he’d just yell at me at the foot of the door. I thought it was my half sister pranking me, but I didn’t hear anyone walk in, and she wasn’t at my bed. An intruder? Obviously not.

Here’s a theory: I must of had a hypnagogic jerk in my muscles and my legs must of twitched, but that only happens when you’re drifting off to sleep. I was wide awake. I always had hypnagogic hallucinations of gigantic spiders on my ceiling and even sleep paralysis, but this was different.

The time came when I realized nothing else was gonna happen. I turned my lamp on and I finally went to bed. I never told my family this.

In the next townhouse, things started to happen again to not only me, but to my family.

This one night I had to ask if my parents ever had a paranormal experience in our new townhouse. My Dad said one time he saw the ghost of my twin sister running down the hallway to the living room. He thought it was me, so he rushed over to yell at me on why I was home and not at school. He reached the living room only to find no one there.

My twin sister MaryJane passed away when we were babies, but my Dad said her ghost was all grown up to look my age, which explains why he thought it was me at first.

I can’t remember if my Mom had a paranormal story to tell, but she’s hella superstitious in Filipino culture, like if you see a white moth, that means its a deceased loved one visiting you- that happened on my graduation, I saw a white moth flying in my room, and my Mom told me it was my twin sister.

Next I asked my sister if she ever had one, she said yes. One time we were sleeping in the living room, kinda like camping on the floor, and at 3am, she heard the dishes move. I told her dishes do that when they are placed incorrectly in the rack and hit metal to make noise, but she told me the sounds she heard were like how a person is taking them out to place them back in the cupboards, and when looked in the kitchen, the dishes were in their rack, but no one had touched them.

Now circling back to me. This happened last year. I’m in my bed, and I was having trouble falling asleep. All I did to pass the time was go on my phone, which worsens the insomnia.

Suddenly, I hear a sound, a human voice calling something. It was unintelligible, but it was loud, as if whatever it was, was standing in my room, saying something out loud for my attention.

I looked over and nearly felt myself falling into a dark hole. No one was there. My door’s always closed when I go to bed, I wasn’t playing any video on my phone, no phone calls. I was home alone with my dog because my parents were out and both my sisters had moved out a long time ago, so there was no reason my name would be called.

I kept my light on until my parents came home. I never told them this because I knew they wouldn’t believe me and just tell me I imagined it and that I wasn’t sleeping well.

This happened a long time ago, my parents and I moved and nothing’s happened. I don’t remember everything that has happened, but most of it is nothing but true.

However if y’all don’t believe me, I wouldn’t be surprised. Maybe my mind has been playing tricks on me, convincing me that i was being haunted by simply house noises or the neighbors’ kids being annoying, or something went down in those two houses. Either way, I’m never going back.

#scary story #true paranormal story #mk talks #halloween

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poptod · 4 years ago

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Ya’aburnee (Merriel Shelton x Reader)

Description: ya’aburnee (arabic, phr.) - “you bury me”; wishing for a loved one to outlive you because of how unbearable life would be without them. Drabble angst :)

Notes: I know this is below par, you’ll have to forgive me, I’ve had a migraine for nine years and it’s kind of flaring up recently. I put the keep reading thing really high because it goes straight into it and I don’t wanna trigger anyone. Warning: Suicide, depression, self harm Word Count: 1.5k

Merriel isn't the most observant person in the universe, but he isn't an idiot either. You know this, you base your truth upon it, you pray to whoever listens that he won't pay attention. For you, the decisions you make and the things you do are the only sane thing. Belt upon skin, beating till it breaks – that's peace, it's sincerity, and for once in a hectic life, it's calm. There's marks that dot your skin, lining and defining ridges along your arms and hips. He's caught up in this game you play too well – he couldn't notice.

Standing beside him, overlooking a city lit bright in the dark of midnight, you wonder what he'd do if he knew. Would he hate you? Many would. Most would think you insane, and maybe you are, but it isn't for you to say. He keeps you alive, not that he knows that. Him and the rough touch of his fingers against your palm, his breath hot against your ear when you dance with him, chests pressed tightly together. He puts a hand on your waist to guide you, and you almost wince. You manage not to. Quiet violins play from inside, dulled by the glass door separating the balcony from Merriel's apartment. Plants in more pots than you can count line the balcony, hanging from the ceilings, vines dripping down to the apartment below you. In a sultry voice he whispers, I'm glad ya came, his lips brushing against your temple, lingering for only a moment before he pulls away. Deep into your eyes he stares, caught up in a beauty he knows too well and longs to love better.

You remember when you met him by the ocean, the wind whipping so hard your face blushed red from its' bite. Despite that you didn't move, petrified by the ocean's harsh waves, stuck in the dream of escaping all you knew. He sat beside you then, his legs dangling beside yours off the public dock.

Tonight isn't like then – no harsh wind, no discomfort, but you still find yourself unsettled. It isn't him, you know it isn't, it can't be him, it has to be you. It has to be you feeling sick with yourself, despising every thought in your head and punishing every word that escapes you. You've driven away everyone, everything but him – he's managed to stay. He finds something within you, some semblance of a person that you can't recognize within yourself, and somehow that hint of kindness has kept you going.

He shows you the constellations, intertwines your fingers with his in a way only those built for each other can, his words melting like impurity and virtue all at once in your head. The scent of smoke and iron swarms all around you, an intoxication you can hardly bear. It's not a familiar feeling for you, being unable to handle a form of escape – you've taken your fair share of addictions on. Marijuana lessens your anxiety, LSD takes you far away from where you stand, alcohol blocks out everything you hate to feel.

Flirtations aren't enough to stop it from returning, which he notices every now and then, rarely bringing it up. The topic is an uncomfortable one, no one can deny that.

And you desperately think that maybe, maybe you won't return to the way things were when you first met him, standing at the dock, ready to fling yourself off the deep end in a mortifyingly literal way. Maybe he can keep you safe, and it feels as though he can when he leads you back inside, brushing your hair out of your eyes and standing too close. He almost kisses you, you can feel it about to happen, the way he leans in, the way his eyes dilate, the fondness for you radiating off every action he takes. When he doesn't, and the two of you part for the evening, you realize you didn't feel anything. You didn't feel a thing when he was far from you, you didn't feel a thing when he stood so close you could smell the gin on his breath.

I don't know why I'm going against these thoughts, you think on the ride home. I'm not worth the effort of saving.

In the safety of your own home you take scissors to your skin, too scared to use a razor and yearning for more pain than a belt can give. With that, the bathroom door is locked behind you, even though you know your apartment is empty. Crimson stains your toilet lid when you sit down, dizzy from the rush it gives you. The scars already marking your hips remind you that you're tainted and will always be that way. No one could love that part of you, no one can say you're worth the time – your decisions in past and present bar you from many aspects of normal life. No swimming, no one night stands, no relationships, no normal clothes shopping, no normal work.

As you lay down on your bed, still clothed, your shoes still strapped to your feet, you stare at the ceiling and think about him. He is the only perfect aspect of you, even if he isn't truly a part of you. The part of you that loves him is the only part that feels right.

You don't fall asleep, not until dawn.

It's not really a conscious decision when you wake up. More than anything it's automatic, something that should've terrified you to your core, but it doesn't. Maybe the thought has crossed your mind too many times, but when you reach for your pistol you don't have any raging thoughts. You don't think about your parents or friends. In fact, you only hesitate when you hear the phone ring – only Merriel knows your new phone number. Curiosity overcomes you, and you leave the gun at your bedside, pick up the phone, and lay it down on your desk, not ready to respond to anything.

"Hey," he says, his usual softness injured by the static. "You there?"

You remain silent still, resting your head against a couch cushion and staring listlessly at your mostly empty bookcase.

"Uh... I've been noticin' you've been actin' a bit.. off. Jus' wonderin' if everythin's alright. I know I probably sound paranoid or somethin', but I... can we meet up? In person? I don' really feel like talkin' about this over the phone."

When you still don't speak, you hear the rustling of clothing before the dial tone. It sparks a suspicion in you, but it isn't enough to distract you entirely – you lie there for a moment more, bereft of energy, before you drag yourself back into the bedroom, trailing over the bumps and ridges of the pistol.

Everything should be alright. There isn't anything in your life that adds to misery besides yourself, and therein lies the issue – there is no way to rid of yourself to heal. Only to end.

Two knocks come from your door, beating fear into your veins when you remember you rarely lock your door. There's little purpose to when you don't care what happens to yourself. How could he have gotten here so fast? Perhaps you'd dazed out longer than you thought; with shaking hands you reach for your gun, resting your pointer on the trigger, finally feeling something for the first time in what feels like forever.

In your empty apartment, barren of personality and objects, he calls your name. He's never been here before, and his confusion and alarm is clear in his tone. Sharp footsteps make their way to your bedroom door, which you made sure was shut behind you, and when the handle clicks you hold the gun to your temple. You almost pull it, almost make it – it's just a millisecond, but the second you see his face you falter. He does too, eyes widening as he sucks in a sharp breath, his steady hands pausing in midair as he reaches for you.

You stand at an impasse, wondering who will make the first move. There's so much inside him, so much life in his eyes, draining by the second as reality sets itself in his mind.

"Are you fucking stupid?" He growls suddenly, and you realize he's pulling the gun away from you, ripping it and tossing it across the room. In a swift movement his arms wrap around you, tugging you into his warmth. He rests his face in the crook of your neck, breathing deep as he holds you tight, silently begging for whatever beast that took hold of you to banish itself forever.

"I wanted you to bury me," you whisper almost sweetly, and though you feel a shiver run through his body, he does not let go.

He doesn't pull away, not for a long time. A welcome pressure around your shoulder and waist, you allow him to stay as he is, desperate to give you some sort of comfort. When he does release you he rests his hand on your cheek, brushing your hair off your face once more.

"Never do that again. Never even think of doin' that shit again," he breathes out, eyes scanning your face for any sign of dishonesty. You nod, tears welling up suddenly, burning their way down your cheeks. "I thought someone broke inta y' house, god, I didn't... fuck."

"I – I'm sorry," you manage to choke out through sobs, falling to your knees as you wonder how you could fail at something as simple as suicide.

The words weren't meant for him, though they could be – sorry I hurt myself, sorry you had to see that. But no matter how one looks at the situation, it doesn't erase the fact you meant I'm sorry I couldn't do it in time.

He never learns this. You thank God for that.

#merriel snafu shelton #snafu x reader #the pacific #rami malek #rami malek character #gender neutral reader #male reader #Female reader

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